Sex Gets Real HIQI Episode 91

Dawn has a huge announcement & trans stuff.

Head over to Explore More Summit at to register for Dawn’s free 10-day online summit. She’s been slaving over it for 3 months, in secret, and you do NOT want to miss all of the experts and celebrities she interviewed.

It all starts January 28th, 2016, but if you see this after the event, you can still check out the interviews.

A listener asks about what it’s like when we watch cam sites and porn.

Then, we talk about Buck Angel and his awesome vagina, trans bodies, intersex folks (they’re SO much more common than anyone realizes) and the trauma of being non-binary and trying to go to the bathroom.

Oh, and Dylan doesn’t like’s suggestion that we all use gender-neutral pronouns, but Dawn is a huge fan. We discuss.

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Episode breakdown

  • 0:11 – Dylan is still sick.
  • 0:37 – It’s time for Dawn’s big announcement. The Explore More Summit!!! Want to check it out? Head over to the Explore More Summit site and sign-up early to score a cool bonus Dawn created.
  • 1:45 – A few of the speakers at the Explore More Summit include Allison Moon of Girl Sex 101, Amy Jo Goddard, Ashley Manta, Barbara Carrellas, Charlie Glickman, Conner Habib, Dirty Lola, Devi Ward, Elena Lipson, Gina Senarighi, Feminista Jones, JoEllen Notte, Lauren Marie Fleming, Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, Dr. Marlene Wasserman aka Dr. Eve, Nadine Thornhill, Reid Mihalko, Tobi Hill-Meyer, Tristan Taormino, Virgie Tovar, AND Dan Savage.
  • 6:12 – There’s only a few days left (January 20th, 2016) to get my 29-page workbook at Amy Jo Goddard’s Sex and Desire Library, so pop over and grab it now..
  • 7:11 – We got a question about cam sites. Dawn poses the question to Dylan.
  • 7:48 – Dawn feels like she’s in porn when she watches it. Dylan does not.
  • 8:12 – Dylan gets off on being the voyeur. Dirty little peeper.
  • 9:00 – During her sick time in bed, Dylan watched Buck Angel’s documentary.
  • 9:15 – Dylan’s wife is not so impressed since she has a very different perspective on bodies and gender.
  • 10:10 – Dawn’s met Buck Angel a few times and he is SO sweet. Buck is on the board of the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance.
  • 11:31 – Bottom surgery for trans folks is super personal and all bodies, regardless of what’s in your pants are valuable.
  • 12:02 – Dawn met some trans women performers at the Queer Porn Film Festival and it’s SO obvious they’re women, but they happen to have a penis. A penis or a vulva do not determine your gender.
  • 12:30 – “I’m a dude and my pussy is amazing.”
  • 13:20 – Trans folks are getting a lot of much needed and long overdue coverage in the media right now, but we still don’t talk about intersex individuals nearly often enough.
  • 14:01 – Guess how common intersex folks are?
  • 14:15 – Tristan Taormino had 2 intersex specialists on her Sex Out Loud show. Listen here.
  • 14:50 – We teach kids that sex and gender is completely binary, but if intersex folks are as common as redheads, there’s so much more variation than we realize.
  • 15:48 – Dylan saw a article suggesting we call everyone “they”, but Dylan has some feels about that.
  • 16:54 – If we assume someone’s pronoun, and get it wrong, then there is an awkward conversation that has to happen. If we don’t assume, everyone feels valued and seen.
  • 18:13 – It doesn’t hurt to ask someone their pronoun, and also makes the world safer for folks outside the binary assumptions.
  • 19:41 – Dylan shares what it was like in the 80’s and early 90’s and having to hide that you were gay, so using “they” has a strong negative connotation.
  • 22:16 – Instead of guessing, we can ask. And if it’s uncomfortable at first, you’ll get over it.
  • 23:19 – Dylan gets called “sir” all the time because of her hot butch-ness.
  • 24:49 – Fuck that stupid bill in Texas banning trans folks from bathrooms.
  • 25:23 – Bathrooms are the worst place for trans and non-conforming folks. Dylan got chased out once by management at a bar.
  • 26:58 – Cis folks really don’t understand the trauma of bathrooms for people who are trans. It’s exhausting and frustrating.
  • 27:38 – All the bathrooms at Sex Down South were gender neutral and it was no big deal at all.

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On this week's episode of Sex Gets Real, Dawn has a HUGE announcement about the Explore More Summit she created. Dylan talks gender neutral pronouns, and we discuss trans bodies, intersex folks, and porn.

  • Dawn
  • January 10, 2016