Sex Gets Real HIQI Episode 85

A kid on a bus does hand motions at Dawn that get her real worked up.

Dawn & Dylan take a moment to talk about the Paris attacks, plus the lack of visibility on attacks in Beirut, Baghdad, and when the violence is against people of color. We wish peace for all us, but if we want human rights to be upheld, we need to acknowledge when racial justice issues arise.

Dawn is in the process of creating a badass online summit that will be free with some of the world’s leading experts in sex, relationships, sensuality, and body love. So, a listener wrote in with a question for the summit experts. Dawn and Dylan dig in a bit.

Should a man married 14-years to a super monogamous spouse just accept that he can’t have non-monogamous experiences or does he need to end the marriage with someone he loves in order to have these sexual adventures?

We discuss.

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Episode breakdown

  • 0:10 – Our thoughts and prayers are with Paris. And also Beirut and Baghdad and all of the refugees that need our love.
  • 0:47 – Here is the beautiful reading that Dawn shared by Karuna Ezara on Instagram.
  • 2:50 – We want to take a few minutes to talk about justice and terrorism because it ties to human rights. And even though we are a show about sex, we do believe sex ties to human rights. So it’s all related.
  • 4:41 – As a white person with a lot of privilege, Dawn wants to have these tough conversations.
  • 5:02 – Dawn is creating a badass online summit about sex and relationships that will happen in late January – and it will be free. So stay tuned.
  • 5:44 – Our listener John wants to know what he can do if he wants to explore non-monogamy and group sex but his wife of 14 years is not interested in anything outside of monogamy. Is this the cost of admission to remain married?
  • 6:54 – Dawn has at least 3-4 non-monogamy experts who are going to speak at the summit, so that will be a great place to explore this question in depth.
  • 7:23 – You cannot expect a partner to change or ask a partner to change for you. They have to decide they want to change for themselves.
  • 8:14 – A therapist could really help when you aren’t sure what your options are or what you want to do when you’re conflicted.
  • 8:54 – Sometimes partners do change when you give them time and space to adjust to new ideas. But don’t expect it and don’t put your life on hold waiting.
  • 10:14 – When you feel really stuck, it’s the perfect time to get a therapist or a coach involved. A terrific non-monogamy coach Dawn knows is over at
  • 10:51 – Once you make a decision, you have to take responsibility for that decision. You cannot be resentful towards a partner if you decide to stay with them and they don’t change. And you can’t be full of regret if you end things and then you don’t like where you end up. Learn from it and move on.
  • 12:09 – Dylan doing her wife’s voice is epic. At the beginning of their relationship, her wife was super anti-nonmonogamy. But over the years, that changed and things opened up.
  • 13:43 – There is a fine line between making your needs known and revisiting them versus trying to coerce or convince someone to change. One is boundary-setting and the other is abuse.
  • 15:03 – When people do something out of a sense of obligation, it leads to pain, hurt, and resentment.
  • 15:29 – If you picture your very best life, what does it look like? Does it include your current partner or spouse? Or does it include a life of non-monogamy without that spouse? Or something else?
  • 16:36 – It can be really scary to end a relationship when needs aren’t getting met. We all think that the end of a relationship has to happen because of some big disagreement or on-going neglect, but when it’s simply – I have this need and I really want to explore it, then it may mean having to make a tough choice.
  • 18:28 – Dylan pulled out some lube and a condom which reminded Dawn of a really offensive little boy who did the jerk off and spooge hand motion on the highway recently. Little fucker.

And be sure to pin, share, and Instagram this bad boy

On this week's episode of Sex Gets Real, Dawn and Dylan talk about the Paris attacks, plus a listener wants help from a non-monogamy expert because he has been married for 14-years to a monogamous wife, but he is feeling called to try group sex and orgies. Is divorce the only option?

  • Dawn
  • November 15, 2015