Sex Gets Real HIQI: Episode 71

What happens when everyone learns about sex their whole lives?

A listener writes back about their group sex situation. Dawn experiences a lovely display of empathy. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we were allowed to have bad days?

Plus, the Netherlands start sex ed at the age of 4 and carry it through their entire lives. What do the statistics show? What could we do better? What can go wrong? Let’s discuss.

In the DC area in August? Then join Dawn at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit from August 13-16. Learn more on their website.

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Episode breakdown

  • 0:27 – Wouldn’t it be awesome if Dylan was drunk at the gym acting like a fool?
  • 1:20 – A listener wrote in asking about poly versus swinging a few weeks ago and reached back out.
  • 1:50 – A foursome via Skype. Sounds hot.
  • 3:12 – A display of empathy that made Dawn feel appreciated.
  • 4:15 – So often when our partners are having a sad day, we want to fix them. Instead, try letting them have their feelings.
  • 5:25 – When you try to make someone feel better, it can send the message that it’s not OK for them to have certain feelings like sadness or anger.
  • 6:57 – Where can I find a man like that?
  • 7:30 – The case for starting sex education in kindergarten. Read the article here.
  • 7:50 – A few months ago, we talked about sex ed early in life and got a listener email in response.
  • 9:00 – Sexuality education versus sex education. There’s a difference.
  • 9:48 – They are making it normal for kids to talk about and think about their bodies, their feelings, and sex.
  • 10:29 – The number one argument you hear in opposition to teaching comprehensive sex ed is what? It will encourage more sex. Well guess what? Yet again, the statistics prove that’s a total lie./li>
  • 11:15 – When educated teens do choose to have sex, they are much more likely to have enjoyed it and wanted it. They have more agency and autonomy over their bodies.
  • 11:40 – Rates of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections is significantly lower in the Netherlands.
  • 12:35 – They include parents in the curriculum, helping to teach parents how to talk about sex with their kids, too.
  • 13:07 – That knee jerk reaction of “OMG, that’s too young” happened to Dawn back in the day, too, but study after study is proving the benefit of a lifetime of sex learning and open dialog plus access to safer sex supplies in the lives of young people.
  • 14:03 – It’s so much more than sex – it’s self-love, body acceptance, relationship navigating, communication. They’re teaching young kids that saying no to someone else is saying yes to yourself. Can you imagine the power of learning that very young?
  • 14:58 – A teacher answers “I think I’m a lesbian, what do I do?” Other kids just want to know what to do when they have a crush on someone.
  • 16:14 – Dawn attended a conference by a pair of experts on parenting and sex, and they said that what most folks don’t realize is kids watch the way parents interact, even though it’s never talked about. Kids internalize the lessons – good or bad.
  • 17:12 – Even if you never talk about it, your kids are picking up on your behaviors.
  • 17:50 – Unitarian Universalist churches offer comprehensive sex ed called Our Whole Lives, or the OWLs.
  • 18:50 – Part of the problem with the way sex ed is taught in the U.S. is that it’s totally up to the parent and a handful of school districts to teach comprehensive sex ed. But when a kid with solid sex ed hooks up with a kid with zero sex ed, they often don’t know who is right and mistakes happen. There isn’t a level playing field like in the Netherlands.

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This week on Sex Gets Real, Dawn and Dylan talk about sex ed that starts in kindergarten and how powerful that is. Plus, a foursome via Skype and empathy for the win.

  • Dawn
  • August 9, 2015