Sex Gets Real: Episode 66

Listener questions galore!

Interested in attending Dawn’s live Q&A all about relationships on Thursday, July 16th? Pop on over and sign-up. She’d love to have some listeners in the audience.

Wow, it’s a great week for listener questions. After a quick talk about cuddling and the Wachowski siblings, we dive into some amazing stuff.

One listener wants to know what to do after seeing someone she knows in a porn clip. Another listener isn’t feeling so sexy in her body anymore and to top it off, her partner is bringing ex girlfriends into the bedroom with them and she doesn’t like it.

Finally, our listener in Minnesota has a small dick, a wife who won’t touch him, and now she’s started deleting text messages and will disappear for 3 hours at a time. Is it time to end the marriage?

Oh. And one other thing – we love getting updates from listeners after we talk about your stories online. So report back with updates on stuff that happens. We love that.

In the DC area in August? Then join Dawn at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit from August 13-16. Learn more on their website.

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Episode breakdown

  • 1:25 – And now we sound like NPR.
  • 1:42 – We are closing in on episode 69.
  • 1:53 – As if we need reasons to cuddle, but here’s an article on the benefits of cuddling if you have any Dylans in your life.
  • 3:10 – Have you ever snuggled someone in your mind? Perfect for cuddling in the summer when it’s too hot to touch.
  • 4:19 – Cuddling strengthens your immune system, and if you get sick, makes your symptoms less severe. Yay cuddles.
  • 4:50 – Cuddling and touching helps with anxiety and fear. Duh, but now science says so.
  • 8:20 – A listener writes in about a flight attendant she knows that she recently saw in porn. What should she do?
  • 13:59 – Telling someone you saw them in a porn could be a fun little secret to have, but it could also embarrass them or get them into trouble, so be careful in how you do it.
  • 16:14 – Did you know Real Sex was still on HBO? Dylan came across it the other day.
  • 16:45 – Madison Young runs the Erotic Film School that Dawn has been investigating.
  • 17:19 – Dawn would sneak watching Real Sex in middle school or high school. It was one of the first super sexual things she watched.
  • 17:49 – Dawn is wondering if we can get the Wachowski siblings on the show to talk about Sense8, their new show, and how inclusive and diverse it is sexually.
  • 20:29 – Listeners, prepare yourselves. Dawn is going to start a campaign to get the Wachowskis on the show. Not sure how, but why not?
  • 21:51 – Dylan overheard some insensitive conversations at work about Caitlyn Jenner. Transphobia and trans bashing isn’t OK. Good for Dylan for stepping in.
  • 23:40 – Ten years ago, the Caitlyn Jenner story would have been handled so differently by the media.
  • 24:43 – Making yourself seen, especially when you’re different, is an act of courage.
  • 26:30 – When Ellen DeGeneres came out, it shut her show down shortly after. Even though we are far from equality when it comes to LGBTQIA issues, at least we are seeing some progress and some acceptance these days.
  • 27:40 – When Dylan is mad, she is scary. @_@
  • 28:00 – Bobbycakes wrote in about body image issues and some non-monogamy issues with a partner who isn’t respecting boundaries.
  • 29:43 – Playing with exes can be messy and icky, and not in a good way.
  • 30:56 – You’re uncomfortable? Done. Boundary respected. That’s how it needs to happen.
  • 31:49 – If someone doesn’t respect your boundary, you need to call them out. There’s a way to do it that’s not defensive, but you deserve to feel safe when you say you don’t like something and don’t want to do it anymore. That’s the basic premise of consent.
  • 33:00 – It is so common for all of us to feel like we aren’t good enough and to not feel sexy in our bodies, especially if they’ve changed recently. You aren’t alone. But there are things you can do!
  • 33:44 – Dawn wrote an article that you don’t have to love your body to have amazing sex. Check it out here.
  • 35:45 – When you’re not feeling sexy, fake it ’til you make it. How would you walk into the room if you felt like the sexiest person alive? As you play that out in your head, you start to actually feel sexy. It’s a fun feedback loop.
  • 38:15 – Dylan has some body shame, but good god, at Pride, everyone was trying to climb her tree.
  • 38:46 – Often times the stuff we hate about our bodies or feel ashamed of is stuff our partners don’t even see at all.
  • 40:54 – Comparisonitis is toxic. Stop comparing yourself to others or to what you used to look like. It’s a waste and only hurts you.
  • 41:49 – When you play with others and open things up, it shines a spotlight on your insecurities.
  • 44:38 – Sexless in Minnesota wrote in about not getting any sex from his wife despite giving her everything she wants. He wants to know if it’s time to move on. Oh, and he thinks she’s cheating.
  • 45:34 – Going through your partner’s phone is bad. Don’t do it. Right there, you know the trust is already broken in your relationship or marriage. That needs to be addressed, regardless of what you do or don’t find.
  • 47:00 – If your partner won’t reciprocate or touch you, that’s going to kill your self esteem and make you feel like shit. You both deserve more.
  • 48:45 – If you start snooping, you need to have a trust conversation because you aren’t going to believe your partner no matter what they say unless it confirms your suspicions. If there is a really reasonable explanation, you won’t believe it because trust is dead. Start there.
  • 49:56 – In a healthy relationship, if you say, I have these needs, then your partner is going to want to work with you to help get those needs met. It’s about supporting each other and building each other up. So if your needs fall on deaf ears, the relationship isn’t in a good place.
  • 51:30 – You need to be able to have open sexual conversations folks. That’s relationships 101. Also, being GGG means being game to do things you may not be crazy about but you do because you like giving your partner pleasure.
  • 53:30 – You deserve happiness. You deserve to have trust. You deserve to feel desired. If you can’t get those things in your current relationship, then you deserve to move on.
  • 55:18 – We always want updates from people who write in. So if you’ve written in, give us updates!
  • 55:56 – Leave it to Dylan to bring it around to ball sacks.

And be sure to pin, share, and Instagram this bad boy

On this week's episode of the Sex Gets Real podcast, Dawn and Dylan answer some incredible questions about what to do if you see someone you know in a porn, what happens when your partner doesn't respect your boundaries and you don't feel sexy at all, or what should you do with a selfish wife who you suspect is cheating?

  • Dawn
  • July 5, 2015