Sex Gets Real: Episode 58

Cooper Beckett and swinging!

In the DC area? Then join Dawn’s new meetup: Relationship Communication Bootcamp. The first event is June 11th and you can sign-up now! Each month we’ll get together and practice fun, easy techniques for learning how to communicate more openly. Can’t wait to see you there.

Cooper’s here! Cooper’s here! We are so excited to talk about his new book, My Life on the Swingset. If you haven’t read it yet, get it now. It’s funny, honest, vulnerable, and so approachable. Reading about his journey from first time swinger to seasoned pro with a side of poly is wonderfully real and liberating. There are many LOL moments, especially if you’re a little geeky.

We talk about hour long prostate orgasms and the importance of having no end game and what happens when your cock doesn’t perform and how constricting labels can be and how men need to up their game and about Cooper’s first time experiencing subspace. All the things!!!

Want to listen to Cooper’s podcast or find all of his awesome stuff? You can find him at Life on the Swingset, or at, or at, or on Twitter at @swingsetlife. All the places!!!

If you have questions for Cooper or if you have someone you’d love for us to interview in the coming weeks, be sure to let us know.

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Episode breakdown

  • 0:45 – Cooper Beckett, in the house!
  • 1:42 – How did Life on the Swingset come to be? Cooper shares his story.
  • 2:30 – Who better to write about swinging for dummies than someone one year into the scene?
  • 4:06 – Oh shit I gotta do this! We like the way Cooper wrote his book. He picked a release date before he started writing it.
  • 4:27 – The lexicon chapter in Cooper’s book is fantastic – it perfectly captures his humor while also being really informative around swinging, poly, and the like.
  • 4:51 – Who doesn’t want to fuck Captain Jack Harkness? There isn’t a human alive who can resist that man.
  • 6:00 – Cooper attributes the most radical and profound changes in his life to swinging and starting that journey of non-monogamy.
  • 6:41 – Is he a swinger with a side of poly or poly with a side of swinger?
  • 7:35 – Monogamy was a way of playing out the life script he had been handed. And now he appreciates having the flexibility to choose for himself what life looks like.
  • 9:00 – Dawn talks about why she hasn’t adopted the poly label for herself.
  • 11:25 – Let’s talk about this hour-long prostate orgasm, shall we?
  • 11:54 – Butt sex. Go.
  • 13:32 – The prostate orgasm is nothing like an ejaculatory orgasm. In fact, it was so different, Cooper needed to be assured that’s what he’d experienced.
  • 15:52 – Men are very short sighted and Reddit guys didn’t believe Cooper’s prostate story.
  • 16:43 – Orgasm aftershocks are the best.
  • 17:48 – When Cooper tells his partner to pull the ripcord, he is ready to explode. Kind of like that ejection that happens when a woman squirt’s.
  • 18:22 – Listener challenge! Prostate orgasms. Go have some.
  • 19:00 – Let’s revisit those orgasms that feel like they’re about to be amazing and then totally suck. Do men have this phenomenon, too?
  • 19:51 – Masturbation death grip – thank you Dan Savage.
  • 20:45 – If you have trouble getting off from hand jobs or oral, titty fucking is the way to go, eh? Dawn approves.
  • 21:35 – It cracks us up that Cooper equates a male orgasm to a sneeze. Insert giggles.
  • 22:14 – Dylan wants to know if the amount of spooge is relative to the pleasure of the orgasm for penis-havers.
  • 23:30 – Cooper comes into a tissue. Do most guys do that to avoid the clean-up?
  • 23:56 – Since he doesn’t like sticky, Cooper just discovered the joys of masturbating with a glove on.
  • 24:04 – The world premier of Cooper Beckett’s secret glove-and-masturbating tip for guys.
  • 24:39 – Masturbation nirvana. You heard it here, folks.
  • 25:47 – When Dylan watches some guys jerk off, she thinks, “God. You are murdering that thing.”
  • 27:01 – Part of Cooper’s journey over the past few years was to reject these notions of success in sex. No goal, just pleasure.
  • 27:28 – Soft cock play, anyone?
  • 29:20 – If guys would be willing to talk to their partners about what’s going on with their cock and what kind of play or attention they’d like if things are cooperating, then everyone could have so much more fun.
  • 30:09 – We need to reevaluate the importance of certain things when it comes to sex and sexuality – the demand for a large, hard cock being one of them.
  • 30:40 – The importance of no end game.
  • 31:45 – Cooper talks about how much better the sex he’s having is now than when he was so goal oriented in the beginning.
  • 34:18 – Dylan makes a confession. And calls herself a pig. Dawn, of course, eggs her on and insults her.
  • 36:00 – Dylan had a broken prop, errr, play partner.
  • 37:38 – Not everyone has orgasms when they have sex, so adjusting to that and being OK with sex just feeling good without a big finale is important.
  • 38:41 – The most important thing you can do when it comes to sex is constantly be curious, let things change and learn as you go rather than getting fixed on certain outcomes or activities or labels.
  • 39:17 – Dawn wants to make this quote from the book into a motivational poster.
  • 41:00 – The thing Cooper regrets the most in life.
  • 41:35 – We are rejecting ourselves when we don’t ask for what we want, when we don’t take that leap of faith in putting ourselves out there.
  • 42:11 – Cooper explains why you should never take one for the team.
  • 44:57 – You never want to put yourself in a situation where you feel bad about what you did just to make your partner happy.
  • 45:25 – Communication is the cornerstone of all of this stuff.
  • 46:52 – Part of the reason guys have trouble getting play is because of that endgame approach which feels really predatory.
  • 47:59 – Cooper says that men really need to up their game.
  • 49:31 – People say that women are in charge in the lifestyle, and Cooper has bristled at that.
  • 51:28 – Cooper threw a play party and a virgin came to the party. SO BRAVE.
  • 53:13 – His description of subspace in the book is hysterical, so we ask Cooper to talk about being submissive and how that played out with him experiencing subspace one night.
  • 53:46 – And don’t get offended at his description of BDSM. Haha.
  • 55:48 – Air quotes. Because our listeners can see us.
  • 56:51 – All that snark when he’s bottoming is going to get him in trouble again.
  • 59:31 – Cooper and crew have already started on the next book, which will be a primer for swinging.
  • 1:00:35 – When you’re open about your sexuality, others are more likely to come out with their stories, too. Sadly, many straight guys don’t feel like they can say “I was thinking about sucking cock last night” at a football game with their buddies.
  • 1:01:43 – Is the key to this shift in acceptability because women are being more open about what turns them on, so it’s safer for men to vocalize their fantasies?

And be sure to pin, share, and Instagram this bad boy

On this week's episode of Sex Gets Real, we have Cooper Beckett joining us to talk about his new book, My Life on the Swingset, and all things swinging, poly, sex, subspace, and uncooperative dicks (both the kind on your body and the kind that are dudes).

  • Dawn
  • May 10, 2015