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Dawn talks about moving to Vancouver and watching the latest Four Chambers porn by Vex Ashley while having house guests.
Then we field listener questions on nun and priest fetishes, how to eat pussy like a champ (again), and we rage over stealthing – because it’s just not OK ever. You can hear round one of Dylan’s oral sex tips way back on episode 5, but this is the new updated version after Dylan’s latest adventures in pussy eating. Also, yay for the smell of pussy.
Follow Dawn on Instagram.
About Dawn Serra
Dawn Serra is a therapeutic Body Trust coach and pleasure advocate. As a white, cis, middle class, queer, fat, survivor, Dawn’s work is a fiercely compassionate invitation for each of us to deepen our relationships with our bodies and our pleasure as an antidote to the trauma, disconnection, and isolation so many of us feel. Your pleasure matters. Your body is wise. Dawn’s work is all about creating spaces and places for you to explore what that means on your terms. To learn more, visit dawnserra.com or follow Dawn on Instagram.
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Episode Transcript
Dawn Serra: You’re listening to (You’re listening) (You’re listening) You’re listening to Sex Gets Real (Sex Get Real) (Sex Gets Real) Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra (with Dawn Serra). Thanks, bye!
I love my fucking job. I love it. I love it. I don’t know. I’ve just been thinking about the people that I’ve had a chance to connect with and talk to over the past couple of years, and specifically the past couple of months. I’ve just been feeling so much gratitude of getting to not only interview, but form relationships with some of these incredible human beings that are doing such powerful work in the world, and getting to connect with folks who do adult film and sex workers and activists and lawyers. Of course, it’s always amazing to reconnect with Dylan, which is this week’s episode – all of the Dylan goodness.
Dawn Serra: If you want the extended edition of our chat, Patreon supporters at any level get an hour and ten-minute episode of me and Dylan. Dylan shared some super juicy personal stories about knocking items off her fuck it list and play parties and all kinds of stuff. So if you want access to that version, which is the extended release, you just need to go to patreon.com/sgrpodcast, and that will get you access at any level. Otherwise, the rest of this episode is me and Dylan geeking out over your questions.
Of course, I also want to let you know that this week’s episode is sponsored once again by Talkspace. My hope is if you’ve been thinking about working with a therapist around any kind of life issues or relationship issues, sexual shame, sometimes it can be really difficult to go, one, to drive to a therapist’s office to make time to do that on a schedule that works for them. But, two, to also sit across from someone and to let them see your shame and to let them in in that really, sometimes scary way.
Dawn Serra: That’s one of the reasons why I personally adore Talkspace. It’s available 24/7. You can text message. You can write long diary entries. You can ask questions. You can do audio messages. If you want, the face to face video messages. But it makes, for me, therapy so much easier to access. You can get a handpicked therapist based on exactly what you’re looking for. It’s as low as $32 a week, which is awesome considering that 24 hours a day you can just pop in and share more information, and ask questions. Then whenever your therapist is online, they can reply. It’s so accessible.
The best part is, for every single one of you that supports the show, by actually signing up with Talkspace using one of the Sex Gets Real codes, it tells Talkspace that this is an investment that works for them. So if you’ve been thinking about trying it, if you’re curious about it, use my $30 off code. The way that you do that is you go to talkspace.com/sgr for Sex Gets Real. Then you input the coupon code SGR for Sex Gets Real. That gives you $30 off your first month, which is amazing. I hope you’ll check it out. It’s so important for all of us to have a safe place to really talk about everything that’s going on in our lives. I think Talkspace is a great way to do that. And Dylan agrees. I’m not going to do much more talking and blabbing. I’m just going to let us dive right into my chat with Dylan. It’s fantastic. It’s juicy. It’s amazing. It’s all yours as a Patreon supporter.
Dawn Serra: Welcome back, Dylan!
Dylan: What is up? What is up?
Dawn Serra: Hi! I know everybody is dying with joy to hear you on the show.
Dylan: I’m glad to be back. Glad to be back.
Dawn Serra: Yeah. We have listener questions to field. We have some randomness to talk about. But I know everybody’s super hungry for an update on you because you have been through some massive changes in the past year. So what’s going on in Dylan’s life?
Dylan: Well, in Dylan’s world, there has been some relationship status changes, some life changes, lifestyle changes. I got to tell you, it’s all for the better.
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: You know how people type all period for period. It’s been like, “Boom.” All for the better.
Dawn Serra: That’s awesome. Considering everything you’ve gone through, you’re feeling really good about where you are right now?
Dylan: I am feeling really good about where I am right now. I am in a fabulous new relationship that is still in the beginning stages of getting to learn and know each other and feel each other out for things. But from the get go, it’s been pretty amazing, I got to say.
Dawn Serra: For listeners who don’t know, you are no longer with your wife that you talked about when you were on the show for the previous years. This is a no longer married and in a new situation for you,
Dylan: Yes. I am no longer married, 11 years. It went its separate ways. That business is being taken care of. But the new relationship part has been quite the adventure.
Dawn Serra: Actually, you know what’s really funny? I don’t know if you’ve heard of this new porn company called Four Chambers, but they’re a an ethical feminist porn production company run by Vex Ashley. You can support them on Patreon. If you donate $9 a month, then you get access to all of their porn as they produce it every month. It’s a small company. But yesterday I was sitting in my office, and I got an email saying, “Hey! Our latest video was released.” I was locked in my office, and my sister and Alex were out in the living room talking. I was like, “Well, they’ll never know.” So I pulled it up and I sat in here for 20 minutes watching porn. I got super turned on knowing I could do nothing about it, but that’s OK. Sometimes you just got to.
Dylan: Exactly, exactly.
Dawn Serra: Yeah. I mean, it’s appropriate ‘Cause today is May 1, when we’re recording this, and that kicks off Masturbation May. So the whole month is all about masturbation.
Dylan: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, it’s interesting, even though I get all the sex I want, and not to make it sound shitty or whatever, but my partner now has very high sexual appetite. So I can have multiple, whatever. But I still like to masturbate every now and then. ‘Cause it’s like, a lot of times I just use it as a quick release or whatever it is. I have this kinky, little friend of mine who sends me these naughty gifs all the time. I’m like, “Ah!” He knows that I’m all about anal sex, so he sends me the naughty– I’m like, “Where did you get this?” Then I’m thinking to myself, “What are you doing? Are you looking at naughty anal gifs all day?” Or is it like… I don’t know. But anyway, I’m not complaining because he sends these hot things. I always know when he sends me something that I have to go somewhere in private because it’s like, “Bam!” All these big freaking ass gif opening up on my text message, like, “Fuck, man.” I’m like, “If you ever send me anything serious, I can’t open it because I can’t ever know what the fuck it is you’re sending me. So anyway. I like to masturbate. I like to make it a masturbation day every single day.
Dawn Serra: You know, it’s actually really awesome because in previous relationships, if I had said to partners, “Hey, I’m just feeling really horny, and I’m just going to rub one out,” if I didn’t include some type of explicit invitation, it would have been taken as an insult. Like, “Oh. What? You don’t need me anymore?” Now, in this relationship, I don’t know, it was a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling super horny, and I just turned him. I was like, “I think I’m going to masturbate.” He was like, “Rock on. I feel like a workout, so I’m going to go to the gym.” I was like, “Awesome.” So he went and workout at the gym while I laid in bed and made myself feel super amazing. When he came back, it was just like, “Smell my hand.” It was awesome.
Dylan: Wow!
Dawn Serra: Yeah. But you know, it’s nice to be able to just enjoy yourself and not feel like it has to be something else.
Dylan: But you’re right. I think there is a group of people out there who would. They get offended. Like, “Wow! Why do you need to masturbate when I could fuck you anytime you want me to.” You know what I mean? Why didn’t you ask me, I would have fucked you.” It’s not about that, I think. You have to get in touch with your own self, and I think it’s healthy for people to masturbate. I think it’s healthy for people to be able to masturbate and actually have orgasm if they can or just want to touch themselves or whatever. I know there’s a lot of people who… Not a lot, but there are people who cannot give themselves an orgasm. I’m, like,”Oh. I’m really upset for you.” But it’s important.
Dawn Serra: Yeah. I mean, even if it’s just touching yourself to feel good and not because… Sometimes it’s nice to just be laying around and stroking yourself a little bit and just enjoying the sensations. Maybe it escalates, and maybe it’s like, “No. Not right now.” But I love that I feel like I can connect with my body that way. I don’t have shame about putting my hand down my pants, right?
Dylan: Hell, yeah. Yeah. If I had a dick, I swear to god, I would jerk off every day. Oh man, I swear. I would just like… It’s just a little bit inconvenient sometimes to try and stick my fingers up in my vag or whatever the fuck it is. You know what I mean? I would have just be stroking one, stick a finger in my ass, whatever. I don’t know. If I could just have a dick for a day.
Dawn Serra: Dick for a day.
Dylan: Yeah, you know.
Dawn Serra: Too bad that’s not a service. Like rent a dick for a day or something.
Dylan: Yeah. I was like, “Oh.” It was one of those things, what would you wish for? I was like, “Can I just have a dick for a day?” Because I would pee standing up, and I would fuck lots of women. I would jerk off all day.
Dawn Serra: Oh my god. OK. I have to tell you something really quickly about that, about peeing standing up. A couple of months ago, Alex and I were in the shower together. He was like, “I have to pee,” and I was like, “So pee.” He was like, “OK,” and I was like, “Can I hold it?” He was like, “You want to hold it?” I was like, “Yeah. Can you hold it while you pee, so that it’s like I’m peeing with your penis, like standing up?” He was like, “OK.” So I stood behind him, and then held it like it was mine. Then I was spraying it all over the walls and making pictures. Since then, a couple of times, he’s been like, “I have to pee. Do you want to help?” I’ll be like, “Yes!” I ran into the room and helped. It’s so fun. Then sometimes he’s like, “Hey, I got to pee. Do you want to help?” And it’s like, “No, you should be able to do it by yourself sometimes.” It’s totally rad. I can’t do that when I pee. One time he was like, “Do you want me to hold your vulva open?” I was like, “That’s not actually how it works, but thanks.”
Dylan: It’s not the same. It’s not the same thing.
Dawn Serra: Right.
Dylan: Wow.
Dawn Serra: Yeah, I know. Well, do you want to help me field a couple of listener questions?
Dylan: Sure
Dawn Serra: OK. Do you want to start with the one that I’m super pissed off about? Or, do you want to save that one and ease into it with somebody asking if their fetish is normal?
Dylan: Oh, sure. Let’s do the fetish is normal.
Dawn Serra: OK, it’s super short. So T-Roy wrote in, and he was like, “I have a secret fetish for nuns and priests. Am I the only one?”
Dylan: Ooh.
Dawn Serra: I have to say, so not. So not. I think most people who go to Catholic school end up getting some fetish around the discipline and the outfits and the restrictions. I mean, sorry, Catholics, but when you put that many rules and restrictions on someone, it’s just going to being a natural outcome, I think, that people end up fetishizing you. Because you want the thing you’re not supposed to do the most. I think one of the things you’re not supposed to do the most is have sex with a nun or a priest. Of course, people would find that hot. I’m sure that if I went to any tube site and I put in nun sex, there’s going to be a bajillion options.
Dylan: Oh, yeah. I almost think there’s a little section on… I think you can Google it and all kinds of fucking porn will come up on people fucking nuns.
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: Oh. Hell, yeah. Like naughty nuns, whatever. Oh, yeah. That’s totally normal. And priests, yeah.
Dawn Serra: For sure.
Dylan: Yeah, for sure. Because they’re a fucking little freaks. Whatever.
Dawn Serra: Right, exactly. I mean, I think that the thought of… I mean, taboo is hot. So the thought of being in a confessional and touching yourself or lifting the robes up… I mean, come on, how many Halloween costumes have you seen of sexy nuns?
Dylan: Fuck, yeah. I was actually thinking confessional booth.
Dawn Serra: Right?
Dylan: Yeah.
Dawn Serra: Did you just add that to your fuck it list?
Dylan: I could totally just see that in a porn. I’m sure it’s been done. It has to have been done. You come into confess, and next thing you know the fucking priest gets a fucking boner on. He either comes over to her booth or his booth or whatever, and it’s on. Game on Hell, yeah.
Dawn Serra: Yeah. I swear I’ve seen pictures online on Tumblr of a nun bent over the desk with a pink ass that’s been spanked. I swear I’ve seen that. So there is no way that that fetish– I mean, well, let’s just be honest. No matter what your fetish is, you’re not the only one ever. I mean ever.
Dylan: Yeah, you’re not the first time… It’s not the first time or the first person whoever thought of that fetish.
Dawn Serra: Right, exactly. I don’t care how obscure your fetish is. There’s other people.
Dylan: Even if you want to fuck dinosaurs, I’m sure somebody thought of it. You know what I mean?
Dawn Serra: For sure. Of course. There’s people out there fucking themselves with their little toy dinosaurs or whatevs
Dylan: Wow.
Dawn Serra: You know it. I mean, there’s people who are in all kinds of things. Literally, I’ve never heard something and have it be somebody is like that’s the only person I’ve ever heard say that, and the only person who’s ever told me their fetish. I was honestly like, “I’ve never heard that before.” When I shared that with other people, then other people were like, “Oh, yeah. I could totally see that.” If people can get it, then of course, there’s other people who have that fetish. I mean, it’s just how humans are. We’ve been sexualizing and fetishizing things from the beginning of time. So when you’ve got thousands and thousands of years of humans on the world, you’re never going to be the only one.
Dylan: Exactly.
Dawn Serra: Yeah. Well, T-Roy I hope that helps.
This seems like a perfect spot to just remind you that if you are struggling with a sexual fetish or a sexual shame, please make sure that you connect with a sex positive therapist on Talkspace. You can specifically say that you want someone who is kink-informed or poly-informed when you’re signing up so that you can find a therapist who isn’t going to talk about sex addiction and sex negativity and pathologize you. You need to specifically ask for that. But Talkspace has people from around the country who are amazing and qualified and that I’ve worked with personally.
For folks who are interested in actually digging into their sexual shame because maybe you fetishize nuns or priests. I almost said nurses. But hey! That’s a fetish too. Make sure that you just remember that Sex Gets Real’s episode this week is sponsored by Talkspace, which is all-online therapy. It’s all about therapy that’s affordable, confidential, and convenient. Let a Talkspace therapist help you for a special offer that gets you $30 off your first month. Go to talkspace.com/sgr for Sex Gets Real and put in coupon code SGR to score that $30 off. Back to me and Dylan.
Dawn Serra: OK. Someone’s asking for tips about cunnilingus. Here’s what Mike’s email says. It says, “Hi, how’s it going? I just discovered your podcasts and I’m furiously going through your back catalogue. I listened to your and other podcasts, and just about everything that you women say is that you love blowjobs. Your guys are very, very lucky because my wife isn’t too keen. I know what guys get out of a blowjob and why we love them. It’s because they feel amazing. But why does a woman love giving one? What does she get out of it?
As for my cunnilingus request, a long time ago, it looks like you did a show dedicated to blowjobs. So could you do a show dedicated to educating us folks on what to do with our mouths or cunnilingus. Love you!”
Dawn Serra: I just want to remind Mike that Episode five, which is way back three and a half years ago, we actually did talk about eating pussy. You and your infamous line all about coming up looking like a glazed donut is there So Mike should definitely listen to Episode 5. But he has two questions in here. One, what do women get out of giving blowjobs. And two, tips for people eating out pussies. What are your tips, Dylan, for being amazing in eating out pussy?
Dylan: Oh, my god. Tips, OK, tips. I could talk about eating pussy all day long because I love to eat me some pussy.
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: Just to recap on what happened back way too long ago. Not much has changed, obviously, because I still love to eat pussy. I loved it then, I love it now. I don’t know. I like the taste. I like the way the clit and the lips and the soft, juicy innards feel on my tongue. I love the moisture all over my lips and chin. I love the fact that it brings the women pleasure. There’s lots of different techniques in it. You have to be receptive to whatever your receiver is into.
I dated a girl once who was super, super sensitive on her, like don’t dare ever put your tongue on her clit, the actual little knobby knob because she would haul off and punch, like “What the fuck?” It was so sensitive. With her, I had to learn to eat pussy and just around the lips. You have the inner minora labia and it ends up at the apex with the little hub and the tiny little knob. Well, for some, it’s huge. And that’s OK. That’s awesome and amazing. Gives you a little something to suck on.
Dylan: But it is just all about the movement and the tongue. I like to use a wide tongue. Sometimes I vary it up from actually lapping the pussy or just do quick, wide tongue, quick movements up and down, like a vibrating motion. I rarely hum. Some people think that humming makes a little vibration, and they love it. I don’t. And I don’t ever seem to have any problems with success in that.
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: Some like it a little rough with your fingers. You’re like tap, tap, tap, tap. Then you get a feel if they’re really into it. Then you can suck on the actual clit and nip it just a little bit, and it drives them wild. Once you get to know whoever the receiver is, figure out, and then just go to town and just eat that shit like it’s your fucking meal for the next half hour or 45 minutes
Dawn Serra: Yes. You have to commit to being there for a while. If the person who’s receiving really enjoys this, in my experience, it’s going to take… I mean, Alex and I, a couple of days ago, he surprised me by just turning the covers back and going down there. He was down there a good 30, 45 minutes.
Dylan: Yeah. And that’s the thing. I think sometimes guys give up a little bit on frustration because they’re not quite sure if it’s working or not. You just have to be receptive to listening to the moaning or their hip movements. Are they going up or down? Are they moving with you or are they moving up and staying down? Because maybe that means they like your tongue action a little bit further down. There’s that precious little soft, really soft spot in between the clit itself and the entry to the vagina.
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: It’s so soft and delicate. I can just spend all day just lapping that little section up. Then every once in a while– OK, wait a minute. Is it what I’m getting out of it or is it the art of eating pussy? What’s the question again?
Dawn Serra: It’s the art. It’s the art of it, which can be what you’re getting out of it, too.
Dylan: Yes. Of course, I’m loving every minute of it. Then I do that, and then every once in a while, I’ll just take that tongue and just drive it into the vagina, and that just skyrockets them. But the commitment part of the deal, and sometimes because you love to eat pussy and your ultimate goal is in hopes of making your partner have an orgasm, you commit, your neck breaking, you are in the most awkward fucking position. You might not be in the best. Your neck is at an angle it shouldn’t even be at, especially if you’re in a bed or in the backseat of a car. What the fuck? Your knees are killing. You got knee burn, your elbow. Especially if you’re with a partner like I was now that, she’s got to have both her nipples tweaked at the same time. It’s like almost impossible. I need one hand to stable myself, and then the other hand reach up and try and play with her nipples because that’s her button. You know what I mean? The nipples we’ll send her over the edge. So you got it all worked up with the eating of the pussy, the shit’s just dripping down my chin, there’s a wet spot everywhere, and you’re just like, “Fuck! Go into town.” Then the nipple is being tweaked, and then at the last minute, oh my god, I just love to slip the fingers in and they’re done. They’re done.
Dawn Serra: The thing I love so much about that is your current partner is like, “Play with my nipples and that’s what sends me over the edge.”
Dylan: Yes.
Dawn Serra: For me, if someone plays with my nipples, I’m like, “There’s way better things you could be doing with your hands and/or your mouth because they do nothing for me.“ I think that’s just a perfect example of what you’re saying of, from your ex who had such a sensitive clit, you couldn’t touch it, to your current partner who’s like, “Tweak my nipples and eat me out and cover your whole face in it.” I mean, I think the bottomline is, you have to be able to actually talk to your partners and ask what they like and explore and be curious about it. Otherwise, if you just try and do the same thing with everybody, you’re going to be pretty terrible at it.
Dylan: No. Yeah, you cannot do the same modus operandi for every person. You just can’t. It doesn’t work that way. You know what I mean?
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: Beautiful vaginas have what I like to call meat curtains. That’s when the inner, yummy fixins are on the outside. They’re like the inner lips are so fleshy and they’re larger. And I love to just eat that shit up. You can play with that. You put it all in your mouth and just suck on it. You pull it out. You just spread it, and just get up in there, in that soft, sensual spot. Again, some like some digital penetration at the same time they’re pussy is being eaten, some don’t. Then some like it just to be teased enough that you get them really worked up, and then you figure out what the buttons are for your particular partner. You’re like, “Do something else with your hands. Leave my nipples alone.” Or maybe somebody needs to reach up and choke you a little bit. Maybe you like that.
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: Or pull your fucking hair at the same time. I don’t know. Or even take that pussy eating down just a little bit further, pull her ass up and put a swipe of tongue along their ass.
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: For those of us who like to eat a little ass as well as the pussy. I’m down. I vary that shit up and you have to want to love it and do it, and enjoy it knowing you’re giving your partner pleasure because you enjoy it so much. Then there’s a finesse though. Because if you go a little too crazy, then it just gets a little overstimulated. So the balance has to be just right.
Dawn Serra: Yeah. Even though I know we said this in Episode five, I just want to remind everybody, unless you’re watching indie feminist porn kind of stuff, don’t try and eat pussy the way you see in porn. I mean, it’s not like your face is three inches away and you’re keeping it clean, and just your tongue is doing something. I mean, your whole face needs to be up in there, and it’s like all I can see is your eyes pretty much.
Dylan: Yeah. You need to be nairs’ deep into their fucking vagina, pussy hair, whatever. You’re up in the muff, whether they’re clean shaven or not, maybe they’ve got a one-day grow out, and you’re suffering and your face is raw. I’ve had it all. You know what I mean? Sometimes that shit is so baby smooth. Then sometimes, it’s like fucking a little rough around the edges. You know what I mean? You’re like, “Fuck it. I’m down.”
Dawn Serra: Yeah. Something else that… For the longest time, I was terrified as a fat person to ride somebody’s face. I was like, “Well, that’s just for skinny people.” But Alex kept insisting like, “I want you to ride my face.” So finally, I gave in and I tried it. He didn’t die, and he didn’t suffocate. Now, that’s actually something that we do somewhat regularly. Me both facing forwards and backwards, and it gives him a chance to breathe and relax his neck a little bit. So that can be fun, too. Personally, I can’t get off that way. But it’s just really fun, the power dynamic and knowing, one, there’s breath play involved because if I do sit all the way down, I know I’ll smother him. But, two, it gives him a chance to not have to be sideways and perched up and doing that weird thing like you’re talking about, where sometimes it is really uncomfortable to be down there awhile.
Dylan: Yeah. Speaking of that, in the past, I think when I was on the show before, I talked about being tied up and how that was not my thing, right?
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: It was that whole loss of control. I’m like, “No, you’re not going to tie me up. Never ever. I need to be in control.” Well, I took a bold move. I ended up getting tied up and blindfolded. It was actually really fucking hot. I was letting go of control, and I couldn’t move my hands. The individual was doing various things to me, and I didn’t know what to expect – smacking my pussy with a crop or whatever it was. Then the next thing I know… I knew she had straddled me, but I wasn’t sure what her intentions were. So next thing I know, slowly this pussy comes on my face. My first concern was, “Well, I hope she knows enough to make sure she’s keeping track of how much I can breathe.” She did do a good job, and my only frustration was not having control there. I couldn’t pull her in closer to me because I wanted to eat more of that pussy than she was giving to me.
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: Of course, she was teasing herself. Another thing about that position too that I know is interesting, sometimes the angle at which you move your pussy or move your tongue onto that clit is different.
Dawn Serra: Way different.
Dylan: The upward movement from when you’re between their legs looking up as opposed to your ass in their face and you licking the tongue downwards is just like, they go way nuts in that position, I find, more than if they were going upwards. So check it out. See if you feel like there’s a difference between licking downwards as opposed to looking upwards. Because you stimulate the clit a little bit differently that way in the 69 position.
I’m one of those that tends to… It’s fine if you’re going to lick my pussy at the same time in the 69 position, but I’m so focused on eating pussy, I’m not paying attention so much on what pleasure somebody else is giving me down below. It all feels good. It all feels good, but I can’t concentrate on me getting an orgasm when I’m in the process of trying to make sure somebody else is having pleasure with me eating their pussy. I guess it’s always a mess. If you come away from eating a pussy and you’re not dripping shit down your chin, you need to put a lot more (effort?) into it.
Dawn Serra: I agree.
Dylan: Like you said, don’t be watching porn where they’re just doing this lame tip of the tongue thing, and spread that shit. Spread that fucking pussy. Let’s fucking go to town.
Dawn Serra: I agree.
Dylan: I love eating pussy.
Dawn Serra: We can tell, and we love that you love it.
Dylan: I am like, “I want to pussy right now”, and then it just happens.
Dawn Serra: Yes. Well, I think the number one takeaway then is, if you’re going to do it, commit to it. From Mike, who wrote in from Australia with this question and this request, it’s not about having the perfect technique. It’s not about being amazing from the get go. It’s about just really diving in and exploring and using your whole mouth and your tongue and maybe even your nose and throwing in some fingers. I mean, you need to commit to really just making a mess.
Dylan: To be quite honest, I like to have a little bit of a pussy musk.
Dawn Serra: Oh, yes.
Dylan: I do. I dated a girl – two, in fact – that never had a fucking pussy smell, believe it or not. I was like, “How do you not have a pussy smell?” I enjoy the taste of pussy and a little bit of pussy musk that goes along with it. I mean, obviously not to the point where it’s really bad, but sometimes you’re like, “Oh, you had a hard day at work,” and it’s like, “I don’t fucking care. I’m going to eat that pussy so good. It doesn’t matter.” You know, I’ve got cut off point. But I guess it’s the same way for girls who like to suck dick.
As a woman who is in relationships with women solely on the intimacy and the love part, the freak that I am, I’m not in aversion to sucking dick. I can say that I’m good at it. But I don’t think that I would devour it as much as I like to devour pussy.
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: Maybe that’s the heteros or the gay men who love to suck dick or whoever, maybe they feel that way about sucking dick like I do about eating pussy.
Dawn Serra: Oh, for sure.
Dylan: Yeah. Then the receiver is the same.
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: It’s the same thing about thinking about guys who would like to have their dicks sucked. They’re probably the same way, too. They’re like, “Oh, I like to fucking jam that shit down somebody’s throat,” or “I only like you to suck my dick at the head.” They’re having skyrocket fireworks.
Dawn Serra: Yeah, exactly. I think no matter what you’re engaging in, whether it’s eating out someone’s pussy or sucking on their cock or eating out their ass or fingering somebody, it’s about really showing up and being present with them and enjoying it, and just seeing what happens. It’s like you can’t plan ahead of time for how someone’s going to respond to what’s being done that day. But if you’re just like, “I really, really want to do this to you, and I am really excited to connect with this part of you and to hear the sounds I can get out of you.” Maybe even to play with power a little bit, depending on your dynamic. I mean, no matter what the genitals are, that’s what we’re getting out of it, is the fun and the connection and the turn on. I mean, it’s about getting to do these yummy, delicious, sometimes super naughty things in another human being. That’s rad.
Dylan: Yeah. I just texted my girlfriend that she should come over since I want to eat her pussy now that we’ve been doing all this talking.
Dawn Serra: Yes!
Dylan: That’s the other thing, too – the sneaking of an anal play. I don’t mean in the stealth, that we’re going to talk about here in a little bit. But if you know somebody who likes to have a little anal play, that also can be that last bonus move that you get right before they reach orgasm.
Dawn Serra: Oh, yeah.
Dylan: So you got you got your fucking mouth and tongue on that pussy, that clit. You’ve got a nipple tweaked, and then you get a finger that’s just getting ready to play with that anus. Just a little bit goes in, and boom, you’re done.
Dawn Serra: Yes, yeah.
Dylan: I’m getting all fucking horny, anyway.
Dawn Serra: I know. Me too. Just a couple of days ago, actually, I had some of the most delicious anal sex that I’ve had in a while. It was just like one of those things where, you know how sometimes with anal, at first, it’s just a little bit uncomfortable, and your body’s adusting. Sometimes you can’t really do the in and out, but then sometimes you reach that point where you’re just so turned on. It’s like, “Pound me harder.”
Dylan: Yes, yes. I don’t think people understand, once you get to the point where you really just have accepted the fact that I love butt sex, and you’re like, “I need you to fucking pound me in my ass,” you have no idea. Just fucking pound the shit out of me. Can you bring it? Because I need you to fucking bring it and that’s been my disappointment in life. Who can fucking break it? Goddamn sex clubs I’ve been to, and I’m just so disappointed. I was like, “You guys need to fucking get your dicks together and fuck me in the ass, and do whatever the hell.”
Dawn Serra: “Make it happen.”
Dylan: Thank god, when you’re having sex with lesbians, their dildos have no issues getting fucking hard.
Dawn Serra: Yeah, they can stay that way as long as they want to.
Dylan: Yup, and that means as long as I want to be pounded. I don’t know. I would kill my partner into the ground with how much I need her to just bring it. And it’s just fun. Just be open, be receptive, and just accept what feels good.
Dawn Serra: Yeah. Don’t put your ego on the line. This isn’t about you and how you learn this special tongue trick. It’s about your partner feeling good, and you doing things that make their body feel amazing. Because that’s ultimately what makes you a rockstar at whatever thing you’re doing. It’s not about showing up and being like, “I already know how to do this.” It’s showing up and being like, “What do you want,” and then delivering?
Dylan: Exactly. I always come in with a little bit of humility. It’s like, “You know what? Yeah. I’ve been around the block a little bit, but it took quite a bit of time for me to get to the point where, with my new partner, to learn her and find out exactly what works for her.” Like, who knew I don’t know how many months we were into seeing each other and having sex that I didn’t realize, at the last minute, she likes to have a little finger up that ass. I was like, “Wow! If I would have known that shit earlier. I am all about helping you reach orgasm. I’m willing to accommodate in all avenues.” So, yeah. Dear writer from down under, take it down under and make it work. Yeah, enjoy.
Dawn Serra: Yeah, so thank you so much for writing in, Mike. I hope that was helpful, and don’t forget to go listen to our oldie but goodie Episode 5 where we talk about the glazed donut. Are you ready to jump into the rage that is this next email I got about stealthing?
Dylan: Let’s do it.
Dawn Serra: OK. Let’s just get dawn up on our soapbox. A couple of weeks ago, Jaclyn Friedman was on the show. She is one of the leading consent experts in the world. She wrote “Yes Means Yes!” and “What You Really Really Want,” which is all about autonomy and consent and boundaries.
One of the things we talked about was there’s been this uptick of articles coming out. The Stealthing is not anything new, but it has a name now, and so all these news outlets are picking it up. Ultimately, stealthing means removing a condom without your partner knowing about it during intercourse. You and your partner negotiated a condom during sex. You take it off, and they have no idea. In other words, rape.
Dawn Serra: But Jaclyn and I talked about this at length. So then I got this email from Gordon that says, “Just a quick note to offer a different perspective on your discussion on stealthing. I think it’s easy for women to completely underestimate how different men are, and to completely misunderstand what’s going on by assuming they are the same or similar. People who are really steeped in a subculture of mutual consent can miss the fact that a lot of the world doesn’t buy into those assumptions and see things very differently.”
What just made me so mad about that is I don’t care whether the world buys into certain things or not. What I care about is human beings treating each other with basic respect. If you’re a person who can offer the most basic respect to another human being, you have no right to have access to their body ever. I mean–
Dylan: Wait a minute. Is he saying that not everybody buys into the fact that stealthing is a bad thing?
Dawn Serra: Yeah. I think he’s basically saying not everyone buys into consent and that stealthing is wrong.
Dylan: No, fuck that. Bottom line, it should always be consensual.
Dawn Serra: Yup.
Dylan: Always.
Dawn Serra: Yeah. Even if you don’t have the words for it. I didn’t learn about the word consent until I was in my late 20s and going to kink classes. But trust me, before I was there and I had heard the word consent, when I was a teenager, I knew that it was wrong to try and do something to somebody they didn’t want. You understand that when you’re two years old. When somebody takes something away from you, that you aren’t OK with, you get upset. If somebody pushes you down, you get upset. You know from the youngest of ages that it’s not OK to do things to people that they don’t like, and that they don’t want.
Maybe you don’t understand the word consent. Maybe you’ve never heard it before. But every single human being on the face of the planet knows that it’s not OK to try and take something from somebody else or to do something to their body that they’re not OK with, especially when it’s sexual. People can make excuses all they want to about, “I didn’t know,” but you actually did know because you talked to your partner about using a condom. You know they want you to use that condom. If you remove it, then congratulations, you’ve now raped somebody. I mean, it’s a hard pill to swallow, and I agree that there’s a lot out there in the world that gives men, specifically, excuses for why they don’t have to be accountable for their behavior, but that doesn’t make it OK.
Dylan: No.
Dawn Serra: It just makes me so angry. To everybody who’s ever had that happen to them, I am so, so sorry. It totally, in no way, was your fault. The person who did that to you did something abusive.
Dylan: Yeah, not cool. Not cool, dude.
Dawn Serra: It’s totally not cool. I mean, can you imagine thinking that you’re having sex with somebody and they have a condom on, and then you turn around and it’s not there? Oh, my god.
Dylan: Isn’t there some sort of– There’s got to be some fucking criminal charges for that shit. What the fuck?
Dawn Serra: Well, someone in, I think Denmark… It’s a European country. I think it was either Denmark or Belgium or the Netherlands, somewhere in that area of Europe. He removed a condom during sex that she did not agree to. He got convicted, and now he’s facing jail time because they have ruled that it’s rape. I don’t have that much faith in the US Justice System. I mean, Brock Turner barely got a slap on the wrist for what he did.
Dylan: Yeah. ‘Cause they’re probably like, “Well, you did agree to lay down with him, so you were having consensual sex right.” Yeah. Consensual sex with a fucking condom, dude.
Dawn Serra: Right, exactly.
Dylan: I don’t know. Because you know what? I mean, you can be charged criminally if you knowingly had HIV or something and didn’t tell your partner. I think that you can. So if you knowingly were using a condom and on the sly took it off, no! That’s not cool. It’s not right, and it should be illegal. I’d like to think that it would be accountable in this fucking country.
Dawn Serra: Yeah, I know. It just makes me mad that people are trying to make excuses for people having this kind of behavior because it’s literally inexcusable. I mean, if you’ve done this and you feel terrible, well, then you have to find a way to confront yourself and to ask yourself, “Why did I treat this other human being like they were less than me? Why did I feel like it’s OK to disrespect somebody?” Maybe it’s because you feel ashamed of yourself and your sexual urges, and so you don’t want to talk about sex. But guess what? You shouldn’t be having sex.
Dylan: Right. It was obviously for self-serving reasons, right?
Dawn Serra: Exactly. Yeah. I just want to super set the record straight that nobody on this show, including Dawn or Dylan, thinks that stealthing is acceptable. Whether or not you know what consent is or you have words around rape culture, you always know what the right thing and the wrong thing to do is when it comes to somebody else’s body. You know before you do this, it’s the wrong thing to do. You just know.
Dylan: And all parts of it has to be enthusiastically a yes – “Yes, eat my pussy. Yes, fuck me with a condom.” Not, “No, I don’t think it’s a good idea if you’re fucking me with a condom.” Not consent, no.
Dawn Serra: Right. Anyway, it’s been so amazing having you back on the show, talking about all your sexy play parties and your new adventures and helping me field all these questions. I love having you here, Dylan.
Dylan: Oh, my god. It’s nice to pop back in every once in a while and say hello to the fan base. You guys, you don’t ever have to twist my arm that much to come on and talk about things.
Dawn Serra: Well, I mean, especially you are all turned on right now. Hopefully, your partner can come over and you can bury your face in her pussy.
Dylan: Oh, yeah. Well, we did last night on the couch. It was impromptu, and it was like a little stopover. Like hey, she’s stopped over, and I was like, “OK, so let’s be having sex right now.” We just got a little busy on the couch. I mean, I’m very happy that… Believe it or not, as much as I love to have sex, this woman’s appetite for sex is amazing. It is like never ending. I’m so happy to comply majority of the time. Sometimes I’m just exhausted from work, but the fact that we can just have impromptu, anywhere – on the couch, on the floor, on the fucking dining room table. It’s like, whatever. I’m like, “Let’s fucking do it.”
Dawn Serra: Yeah.
Dylan: Yeah. It was like, “Boom, boom, wham, bam. Thank you, man. Thanks for stopping by. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Dawn Serra: Hell, yeah.
Dylan: We both go away happy and can sleep well at night. But, yeah. I love it. Then have these stimulating conversations, and I’m like, please be here at your earliest convenience. I’d love to eat your pussy. Please stop in.” We’re getting ready for our fabulous Pride Festivities. We’re going to miss you.
Dawn Serra: I know I’m going to miss you too. I’m hoping we’ll be able to make it to Vancouver Pride, although I have no idea when it is. I cannot wait to see the pictures from DC Pride and all of you hotties on your motorcycles leading the parade.
Dylan: Our mutual friend from Maryland is so excited.
Dawn Serra: Yes, I know. I keep seeing updates about how excited they are about Pride.
Dylan: Yeah, yeah. They are just like, “Oh, my god.” They’re getting their vest ready and their patches. They’re psyched about riding on the motorcycles, and it’s just amazing.
Dawn Serra: Well, I hope you have a blast. I would love to have you back in a couple months to tell us all about Pride and all the other deliciousness you’re getting up to.
Dylan: Absolutely. I would love to come back.
Dawn Serra: Awesome. Well, to everybody listening, don’t forget, if you listened to this where you normally listen to your podcasts and not on Patreon, you only heard part of the whole show. So if you’re a Patreon supporter at any level at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. you can hear all the juicy details of our entire hour. Of course, thank you so much for being here, Dylan. To all of the listeners, if you have any questions or comments, just go to dawnserra.com and send me a little note. I will talk to you soon. Bye!
Dylan: Bye, guys!