I accept that I’m going to be bombarded by random and offensive messages on sites like Adult Friend Finder. The sole purpose for having a profile on AFF is to find sex.
The same cannot be said for my profile on Fetlife. Fet is a community space where like-minded kinky folks can learn and build friendships and write and find events. Sure, hook-ups happen. And yes, I am on there for community AND to find play partners.
However, it astounds me how often “masters” and “doms” will approach me on Fetlife. First, my profile doesn’t say anything about being a submissive or a slave. Second, real Masters or Doms are powerful enough and confident enough that they approach me with respect and treat me like a human being rather than a sad, lonely pussy that’s waiting for the first jerk off to come along and fill it.
I recently had an exchange with a “master”, and I have to share it because it’s completely ridiculous and typical of what total tools will do online.
Note to the men out there: this is what NOT to do.
My first message from Masterly-Master-Mike went like this:
“My name is Mike, and i am not new despite my lack of profile. I am a real master that has own 24/7 live in slaves before this site existed. Just explaining my experience. I really love you’re body, and confident that you will like me. I know how to pick them, and i see potential in you. You have a body of a goddess you are aware of that right? and no i am not ugly, because i dont have a picture up. i must have you You are so beautiful i cant take it lol”
Now, Mike’s message was a mixed bag. He had some sweet compliments, but he also made some sweeping generalizations and assumptions that didn’t sit well with me. For a number of reasons, I immediately decided I wasn’t interested.
Here is my reply:
Thank you for the compliments. It made me smile.
I’m not a slave, and I’m definitely not looking for a Master. My dance card is actually happily full of lovers right now.
So, thank you for the kind note and best wishes.”
Mike didn’t appreciate my reply. Nor did he show an ounce of grace.
He digs his grave a little deeper with:
“I never ask you to be my slave if you read it. i was just telling you my experience since i have no profile. and i understand you might have your plate full. but why miss out on me? you should atleast try it out. because i bet anything in the world you would rather be with just me. instead of 5 men or whatever number it is.”
It’s worth noting that I get anywhere from 5-15 messages per week from guys trying to get my attention. The only ones who actually get what they’re looking for are the men who carefully read my profile, check out some of my posts, and approach me with a genuine interest in getting to know me. Again, Fet is not a hook-up site. It’s a community forum where hook-ups occasionally happen. Unfortunately, loads of dudes think it’s an excuse to be a dick.
Back to Masterly-Master-Mike. At this point, I popped over to his profile. No pictures. No words. Not a single friend. And not one word AT ALL on the page. Nothing.
On top of that, “because i bet anything in the world you would rather be with just me”????
Thank you for completely dismissing my life choices and telling me what I’d prefer since you know me SO well.
Thus, I loaded my shotgun and kindly aimed it in his direction:
“You aren’t building a case for yourself at all.
First, there’s no reason not to have your profile filled out. That’s pure laziness.
Second, if you tell me you’re a Master who has had slaves, then the implication is that’s the dynamic you enjoy.
Third, you haven’t explained at all why I might like you, what we have in common, or referenced anything that’s in my profile. Why would I like you? It’s clear in my profile that I enjoy articulate people who take the time to show me some respect by using proper grammar and punctuation. You have yet to treat me like a human being or an equal. Which proves to me I actually would NOT like you.
Additionally, you’re insulting me by insisting I would enjoy just you when it’s clear I enjoy the dynamic of having multiple lovers.
The only thing you managed to share was that you aren’t ugly and you think I’m pretty, which also insinuates that you’re worried about superficial connections over emotional or mental ones.
Good luck to you, but no.”
Masterly-Master-Mike was having none of it. In my strong, articulate chastising reply, he lost it.
“wow you are as fucking moron. woman liek you het used in this life style never loved. keep your luck you need it!!! I tried getting to know you all you do is assume. first of all i have a strict job ok. not loosing my job over some bull shit site. second of all i dont just like slaves, just letting you know my experience. how many douche bags banged you in your life, and never spoke to you again? but i bet they had great grammer lol. you are a waste of time my mistake to contact you. this could of been real great but you are foolish.”
Poor, poor Mike.
I wish I could say Mike is unique, but he’s not. There are far too many guys online who feel they can say whatever they want and women should be eternally grateful for their attention and affection. This is far from the first argument I’ve had with guys like this.
Thankfully, I find them quite funny. I mean, I sure didn’t have to try very hard to see this guy’s true colors.
Maybe this makes me a bitch, but I don’t care. I know what I deserve and it’s a heck of a lot more than this.
Oh, and if you’re wondering what a nice introduction message looks like?
“One of the most thoughtful profiles I have read.
The best part is you articulate important information while remaining totally sexy.
See? It took him all of 2 minutes to write that, but I replied and we had a lovely exchange.
Respect. Try it on for size.