The thing I hear the most from women is their struggle to connect with their bodies. Either they don’t know how to let go and settle into intimate moments with their lovers or they are too stressed to feel sexy or they feel shame or they don’t know how to ask for what they want. All of this stems from the fact that women often forget to love and cherish themselves, to give themselves permission to appreciate their bodies and their sensuality.
I met Susana Frioni through a business program, and felt immediately drawn to her Love.Sex.Desire project. Susana embodies sensuality. I couldn’t wait to hear more about her journey and share it with you.
You just hosted a sacred dance party in Brisbane, Australia. What was that like? What is it about dance that helps to make us feel so sexy and connected?
The best night of my life! A dream come true. It was incredibly magical, sacred, and euphoric.
I think one of the reasons dancing makes us feel so sexy and connected is because we don’t do enough of it and our bodies crave it. Plus, there’s also something about music that immediately makes our bodies want to move. Different styles of music make us move in different ways. It’s not always sexy, but it is always liberating.
As for feeling connected, we spend so much of our time stuck in our head thinking about the past or future that we never fully embrace the here and now (where our bodies are). Any practice that brings our attention back into our bodies will have us feeling instantly connected. Dance has that potential.
Many women mentioned that their favorite part of the sacred dance party was dancing blindfolded. What is it about a blindfold that allows us to surrender and let go?
Being blindfolded gave women the freedom to dance like no one is watching. This stripped away any possibility of being judged by others, which is one of the biggest reasons we hold back, not just on the dance floor, but in life.
Plus, being blindfolded heightened their other senses, especially their capacity to feel. When one can feel more, it instantly means they are in their body more. When one is in their body more, they are more connected. When one is more connected, they are able to surrender and let go into the unknown because they aren’t paralysed by fear or tension anymore.
Wow. Which makes sense why being blindfolded during intimate play can be so powerful, too. Speaking of intimacy, what does intimacy mean to you? How can we create more intimacy with our partners?
Intimacy, Oneness, Unity…it’s all synonymous for me. Intimacy is a deep connection, a merging with something/someone, a melting of the boundaries, a dissolving of the edges. There is no separation, division, or differences with intimacy. All becomes One.
As for creating more intimacy with your partner, I believe this kind of intimacy starts with yourself first. When you are able to be intimate with yourself (your body, your breath, your sensations, your soul, your spirit), THEN you’re able to be intimate with someone else (their body, their breath, their sensations, their soul, their spirit).
I think one of the most intimate things we can do with our partners (or anyone for that matter) is to synchronise our breath. It sounds so simple, but personally, there is something erotic and divine about breathing WITH someone. I do it often with my students, my clients, my daughter, my lover, my friends and even strangers. It’s instant connection. No words are needed in this space.
Dylan and I are huge fans of raw, dirty, passionate, wild sex. There’s also a huge movement to help women find the sacred in sexuality. Do you feel like these two attitudes compete or compliment each other? Can we be sacred while also being nasty and gritty in our sexuality? Do we have to choose?
Great question! A lot of the women I work with are experiencing this inner conflict: one aspect of themselves is spiritual and sacred and precious, while another aspect of themselves is a wild animal with very strong (and natural) sexual instincts who loves raw, dirty, wild sex. These two parts of themselves can argue all day everyday believing each one of them is right, and the other is wrong.
When we get caught up in the inner conflict this has a big impact on us. We tend to feel stuck. When we feel stuck, we’re blocking the natural flow of energy (which isn’t healthy for us).
In my experience, when we get stuck in the either/or duality, we limit our choices. Plus, we cut ourselves off from our own inner wisdom/soul voice.
Instead, when we honor that voice, we never question/doubt/fear our choices and actions. Our actions become physical manifestations/expressions of the love and truth flowing from our hearts and soul. We’re not obsessed with the form that this takes, and we’re not consumed with trying to prove this is “right” or this is “wrong”.
Instead we just know.
Instead we just are.
You recently posted this on Facebook: “Sometimes it’s not until you experience something that you realise you have a desire for (more) of it.”
What were you thinking about when you shared that? I couldn’t agree more, by the way. In my own experience, there are things I didn’t ever think I could want until I tried them and opened myself to the new experience. It sounds so sexy – this ability to grow into more desire.
I was thinking about men.
Four years ago my marriage ended. I’d been with my husband for 8 years. Then I fell in love with a woman, something I thought I would never do, let alone have the capacity for.
As I explored this part of my sexuality, my attraction to men vanished. I literally did not notice men. For 4 years, I swear I was living on a planet where only women existed.
Fast forward to now. I am a solo woman starting over (again) and ever since a wave of men came flooding into my world I am asking myself a new set of questions, such as “Am I sexually attracted to men?”, “Could I be in a relationship with a man again?”, “Could I never not have sex with a woman again?”, “Do I have to choose?”.
These kinds of questions are trigging my inner critic as some of my answers are bumping up against the beliefs I formed during my time with a woman and/or some of the societal beliefs I absorbed growing up. As a result, I’m experiencing some resistance.
But I see that this is a common experience for many people. The circumstances might be very different (or similar). There’s a voice that shuts off the possibility of entertaining any new ideas or fresh impressions or rising desires. If we stay up in our heads listening to these voices AND clinging to them for dear life, we’ll never create space for new desires to emerge, let alone experience them or express them…it’s important we do because it’s part of our evolutionary journey.
You have a new podcast launching soon called LOVE SEX DESIRE. What kind of stuff are you going to dig into and talk about? What is your favorite topic to explore when it comes to sex and desire?
I’m so excited for this podcast series (and all things LOVE SEX DESIRE I have happening)! I’m going to be interviewing lots of incredible people who are doing lots of incredible work in the realm of LOVE SEX DESIRE and I’m going to be sharing lots of what I’m living and learning.
I’m particularly interested in infusing more spirit and soul when it comes to the world of sex, plus more acceptance, more love, and more freedom.[note title=”Meet our guest”]Susana Frioni is a certified Deep Living Coach, Embodiment Teacher and host of the upcoming LOVE SEX DESIRE Podcast Series. She leads epic sacred dance parties and speaks of all things woman from authenticity and intimacy to spirituality and sexuality. Find her at SusanaFrioni.com.[/note]