Sex Gets Real Ep 98: BDSM conferences & virgin questions

New sex for us and sex for newbies.

Dawn attended a BDSM conference for Valentine’s in Canada and tried several new things. Dylan scored a ton of presents.

We have a backlog of listener emails, too. One listener wants to give his girlfriend a vibrator but she’s inexperienced and he isn’t sure where to start.

Another listener is a virgin and wants to know, should she just have sex and get it over with? How do you even start? What’s sex like?

It’s a lot of laughter and lots of fun this week, plus some sweet texts from new listeners. We love you, too!

Also, we have an ask! Can you go review us in iTunes? We are trying to move up in the ratings charts. Just click the iTunes link below.

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Episode breakdown

  • 1:07 – Dylan is heading to Daytona for Bike Week. Badass bike dyke.
  • 2:02 – Valentine’s Day – Dylan scored a ton of stuff from the wife.
  • 3:15 – Dawn spent Valentine’s Day at a BDSM conference in Canada.
  • 4:53 – Who could say no to Ms. International Leather offering to demo stomping on you? Dawn couldn’t.
  • 5:52 – Always wear the good undies to a kink event.
  • 7:24 – The stomping and kicking felt like a massage – thuddy, invigorating, and relaxing all at once. Dawn got super into her body.
  • 8:51 – Nothing like having your period undies on to feel sexy at a BDSM event.
  • 9:22 – There was a singletail whip station, and Dawn was really intrigued…so she tried it.
  • 11:26 – It’s fun trying something you think you won’t like and realizing you actually kind of do.
  • 12:42 – Throwing a whip turned out to be super fun for Dawn. Look out world!
  • 14:07 – Dawn knows she isn’t a puppy…but she might be a kitty. What might kitten play look like?
  • 15:35 – Sex can be such an adventure. Try new things out. See what it’s like.
  • 16:46 – The Womanizer. WHOA. Incorporating it into sex is a WHOLE different experience.
  • 18:08 – Dylan is too exhausted to want a huge orgasm right now.
  • 18:40 – Whoops. A listener wanted Valentine’s Day advice, and we’re a bit late, but we do want to help out if we can.
  • 19:02 – Doug had a little accident with our podcast and his office. Heehee.
  • 20:29 – Dawn was the victim of a practical joke back when she was in corporate about porn. Not cool.
  • 22:00 – Back to Doug, he’d like to get a sex toy for his inexperienced girlfriend. What should he do?
  • 23:26 – Dylan has a not so subtle way of presenting a sex toy present.
  • 24:39 – Some relationships allow for surprises and other relationships don’t. If there’s a lot of shame in a relationship, surprises aren’t good.
  • 25:00 – Watching movies and talking about the sex scenes is a safe way to initiate those conversations.
  • 26:35 – Our bodies are all so different that shopping for vibrators can be really challenging./li>
  • 28:00 – You can get clues about the types of stimulation a partner likes from the ways they enjoy getting off, and then try to find a toy that matches up with that stimulation.
  • 29:50 – You don’t ever want to pressure a partner into trying something. You want to make it safe to say no, make it an invitation.
  • 31:01 – Support body safe sex toy stores, feminist sex toy stores. Avoid jelly toys and toxic options.
  • 32:55 – Don’t be like Dylan’s ex-husband buy a toy and never say you want it used on your butt.
  • 33:59 – Teledildonics, or toys you can use phone apps with, are AMAZING for long distance relationships.
  • 34:55 – Donna had a little story to share with us about her teenage daughter.
  • 36:34 – We got a gross email referencing the soggy waffle. Prepare for dry heaving.
  • 38:05 – Dylan had a friend who loved eating spooge, but that’s not the two of us.
  • 39:17 – Chocolate virgin wrote in with a question about being a virgin.
  • 40:21 – Dawn loves this question so much.
  • 41:40 – When you have sex, you aren’t giving something away. You’re gaining an experience, you’re gaining knowledge and awareness, and maybe a connection. We need to reframe the way we talk about sex.
  • 42:49 – The first time you have sex with someone new, it’s technically a first. You have to learn all about that person. You will have many firsts in your lifetime.
  • 45:01 – People who have a lot of experience having sex are comfortable with the awkward.
  • 46:24 – Where are they now? The people we lost our virginity to.
  • 48:15 – The reason we are so open about sex is because we have a lot of experience, so for folks who feel awkward or ashamed, just know that the more you openly talk about sex, the easier it becomes until it’s not weird at all.
  • 49:09 – The more you know your body, the better you’ll be able to tell a partner what you enjoy when you’re having sex.
  • 49:47 – Don’t make being a virgin a super scary big deal so that it scares a partner. Just let them know you haven’t done this before and you’re excited to try it with them.
  • 50:36 – Dylan drops a new one: don’t get sucked into his dick sand.
  • 50:22 – Who the hell rated us 2 stars on iTunes? Grrrr. Haha.

And be sure to pin, share, and Instagram this bad boy

This week on Sex Gets Real, Dawn and Dylan talk about a BDSM conference Dawn went to where she tried several new things, a listener needs help picking out a vibrator for an inexperienced girlfriend, and a virgin wants to know if she should just get it over with and have sex.

  • Dawn
  • February 28, 2016