Sex Gets Real Episode 78

Pegging, porn, and prostitution.

A listener wrote in with a terrific message and mentioned pegging. Which sent us off on a bender about butt sex.

Then, Dawn and Dylan talk about the new pink Viagra pill and why that name is so misleading. Flibanserin/Addyi is not what they’re claiming it is, and there are better ways for most people to stimulate low desire.

Dawn ran across a fun article about Pornhub viewers that found women (yes, it’s heteronormative) watch more hardcore porn than men. We discuss.

Finally, after nearly a month, we talk about the amazing Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. Woodhull is by far one of the best conferences each year, and this year did not disappoint. With amazing talks by Charlie Glickman, Joan Price, Monica Raye Simpson, and more, it was a powerful weekend of sex and human rights.

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Episode breakdown

  • 1:17 – It’s like time travel.
  • 2:04 – Our listener, John, wrote in with a lovely thank you.
  • 3:08 – John and his wife got the rechargeable magic wand, and they are loving it.
  • 4:04 – Since our listener wants to move into pegging with his wife, but she isn’t ready for that, we want to know if he has tried anal play on his own with toys.
  • 4:29 – Dawn likes pegging because it’s a role reversal, and it flips the script on gender norms.
  • 4:50 – In Dawn’s experience, there’s a very different energy in strapping it on with a woman or someone who’s gender queer versus a cis guy.
  • 5:50 – No surprise anal, please.
  • 7:00 – When it comes to pegging, Dawn prefers them bent over the bed versus on their back. It’s a leverage thing.
  • 8:35 – Cis guys rarely experience internal sex, and it’s a very different and vulnerable space to be in – allowing someone inside of your body. Pegging and anal play is a great way to explore that new headspace.
  • 9:34 – Dawn got to try the nJoy Pure Wand recently in some anal play, and liked it quite a bit..
  • 11:08 – Time to talk about the pink viagra that the FDA just approved.
  • 12:27 – The original Viagra, for folks with a penis is not about pleasure or desire. It’s about blood flow to the erectile tissue.
  • 12:45 – You can have a hard on and not be enjoying yourself. Viagra simply forces the body into a certain physical state.
  • 13:44 – The problem with female Viagra, or flibanserin/Addyi, is that there is no medical baseline for “normal” desire in women. If there is no baseline, then there’s no way to really capture and measure the desire response.
  • 14:05 – For most women, desire is responsive. So stress severely impacts desire and libido. If you’re super stressed, it’s normal for your libido to suffer. A pill won’t fix context.
  • 19:18 – A huge percentage of Dawn’s sex coach clients come to her because of a lack of libido and wanting to improve desire and pleasure. Because these tend to be context dependent, you can usually shift these things without a pill.
  • 20:08 – Dylan things they need to come up with a pill called Gives No Fucks.
  • 21:36 – If you haven’t already, you must check out “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski.
  • 21:43 – Just because your body is aroused, doesn’t mean you want sex. Just because you want sex, doesn’t mean your body will be aroused.
  • 22:29Dawn just read a study that said more sex does not make you happier. The study found being happier leads to more sex.
  • 23:22 – Just because you’re having a lot of sex, doesn’t mean it’s good sex.
  • 24:35 – Do we want to talk about the Woodhull conference or porn? You know Dylan’s answer.
  • & Daily Beast had a study that found women watch more hardcore porn than men.
  • 26:00 – It’s a flawed study, but it’s still interesting that based on these findings, women are watching much more hardcore, rough, and graphic sex than men.
  • 27:39 – Pornhub only has about 24% women viewers, so the pool is small and the women going to Pornhub are choosing to going to Pornhub. This isn’t a Google search. These are women who know to go to this website.
  • 28:20 – What categories does Dawn go to when she’s in the mood for porn?
  • 29:45 – Shout out to Jiz Lee and James Deen.
  • 32:45 – Dawn is trying to consume less free porn and subscribe to the stuff she wants to see more of. They go where the money is.
  • 33:35 – We’re such great podcasters, showing each other how to choke during sex and not at all describing it for our listeners.
  • 34:30 – Dawn live tweeted the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. If you check out her Twitter from mid-August, you can see them all.
  • 34:50 – The Bedpost Confessions at Woodhull were wonderful. Dawn reads a few.
  • 37:48 – One of the sessions at the conference was on sex and dementia, which is such an invisible problem, but such an important one. How do we determine consent in someone who has dementia or Alzheimers?
  • 39:32 – Taking a step back from sex and dementia, even having the luxury of having sex in a nursing home is a very classist issue. Only people with money have private rooms.
  • 40:14 – Apparently, nursing homes are worse than middle schools when it comes to gossip, shaming, and bullying. Why aren’t we talking about this, too?
  • 41:40 – Dawn attended a talk by Joan Price on what your clients aren’t asking you if you’re a health professional. She stressed that older people want to be having sex, and doctors often ignore this or aren’t educated about it, which causes a lot of problems post-surgery, especially.
  • 44:25Here’s the lube presentation from Woodhull by Smitten Kitten.
  • 45:01 – Yay Charlie Glickman and his shame talk. That talk actually led to Dawn writing a big, personal post on her own shame.
  • 49:05 – After exploring the words “faggot” and “cunt”, this workshop on language brought up the word “lame”. Which speaks to ableism and how so many people don’t see that word as violent.
  • 51:21 – The session on fat positivity was the best one at Woodhull for Dawn.
  • 52:37 – And let’s get distracted by Buck Angel’s naked body.
  • 54:20 – A healthy BDSM relationship, even a Dom/sub or Master/slave, is based on mutual respect. Both parties get to choose how the relationship will look. Anyone who tells you otherwise is advocating for abuse.
  • 55:00 – Monica Raye Simpson rocked the closing roundtable at Woodhull. When asked about the future of sex education, she said that she wasn’t so focused on the future of sex education when we need to instead be focused on #BlackLivesMatter.
  • 56:00 – Wouldn’t it be awesome to have a talk on the podcast about how to be better consumer of sex services?
  • 57:03 – If you haven’t seen it yet, here is the Amnesty International decision to decriminalize sex work worldwide.
  • 57:45 – Sex work is a valid choice for people to make for themselves. We cannot classify all sex work as trafficking if we truly want to reach a state of equality and autonomy over our bodies. It’s also a huge issue for marginalized folks, and taking sex work away from them as an option is very dangerous.
  • 1:06:40 – We can’t even get sex education in our fucking schools. We are so far from having decent laws about sex work. It’s ridiculous.

And be sure to pin, share, and Instagram this bad boy

This week on Sex Gets Real, Dawn and Dylan talk about pegging and anal sex, the new pink Viagra (Flibanserin/Addyi) and why it's not what you think it is, women and porn which found women like hardcore porn more than men, and the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit conference which was incredible.

  • Dawn
  • September 27, 2015