Sex Gets Real HIQI: Episode 57

Teens and sex – we can do better

Dawn is excited by some of the developments in the sex toy store she is developing. If you want to get updates and behind the scenes news, or if you want to help make it awesome by participating in the crowdfunding campaign, be sure to hop on our mail list by using the sign-up sheet to the right. –>

Dr. Zhana recently tweeted an interesting rant about the way we measure the success of sex ed programs and teens. What we’re doing clearly isn’t working, so what can we change to make it better? We dig in and Dylan shares a story about her own run in with teen pregnancy.

The bottom line is we can do better, we need to stop shaming those teens who do have sex, and we need to support parents so that they have the latest research and information for having these discussions with their kids early and often.

Just a few more weeks until SEXx Interactive in Philly. Dawn will be there, so check it out… Learn more here.

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Episode breakdown

  • 0:10 – Tasted like nuts…
  • 0:20 – Dylan tells a really bad joke about nuts. Really bad.
  • 0:50 – And, there’s a Fetlife controversy. Because there’s this asshole jerkwad pulling people’s info off Fetlife and posting it out on the web. And not just any info. Fucking disgusting.
  • 1:20 – Fetlife is kind of awesome, but kind of the worst thing ever. It’s fun to find community and learn. It’s really really awful (especially for cis women) because it’s full of trolls and misogyny and gross, abusive behavior fronting as BDSM. Bleh.
  • 3:39 – Dawn will grab you by the balls and twist them off.
  • 3:48 – Where else will you hear the words, “Speaking of cock and ball torture…”? Nowhere, that’s where.
  • 4:01 – Dawn’s sex toy store is in the works. YAY.
  • 4:38 – Dawn’s sex shop will have a section for seniors based off of Joan Price’s recommendations and trans stuff and vibrators and dildos and strap-ons and kinky stuff for the BDSM folks. Super inclusive and sex positive.
  • 5:28 – Get on our email list (use the little box in the right column) to make sure you get the special updates on the store and the crowd funding campaign Dawn is designing. There will be special rewards for folks who participate early.
  • 5:49 – This presenter at CatalystCon, Dr. Zhana, did a talk on polyamory and non-monogamy. She tweeted something out around teens and sex. Dawn and Dylan dig in.
  • 6:27 – We need to measure the success of sex education for teens with new metrics that are more realistic, relevant, and applicable to the real world.
  • 7:06 – What would you measure to say “yep…this sex ed program is totally working” that isn’t slut shaming and isn’t inaccurate or misleading?
  • 9:58 – Pleasure needs to be part of the conversation when we talk to kids about having sex. They are going to have sex no matter what (the utter failure of abstinence-only programs makes that clear) and then they can make better, consensual choices about their bodies when they realize it’s supposed to feel good. So if it doesn’t, they don’t have to do it.
  • 12:25 – Teens also need to know that sex doesn’t only have to be penis-in-vagina. There are options for sexual activities that are safer, feel amazing, and give them more opportunities for doing what they really want.
  • 12:45 – Consent must be part of the conversation. And not just “no”. It needs to be an enthusiastic yes, it needs to be on-going, it needs to be coercion free, and it needs to happen in a way where kids learn how to read body language and learn the skills to have these conversations.
  • 13:21 – Your kids are watching porn, they’re getting information about sex from sources that aren’t meant to be sex education tools, and we all need to step up and talk about this with them, even if it’s uncomfortable.
  • 15:00 – How many schools have bowls of condoms out for students?
  • 15:26 – Dawn doesn’t think free condoms are the answer. They’re only part of the solution. Knowing how to use them is critical and it needs to be more than rolling one on a banana and calling it a day.
  • 15:45 – Did you know that flipping a condom that’s inside out once it’s touched your dick is no longer safe sex? Yeah, most teens don’t either. So the story about safe sex is really insufficient and setting our teens up for failure.
  • 16:33 – And being open with your teen is a good thing, but it’s also not the whole picture, as Dylan details with her son.
  • 17:12 – Annnddddd now we have a baby.
  • 17:41 – The other issue with sex ed is it tends to be so segregated for the genders. The boys learn about their penises and the girls learn about their vulvas and the information never really crosses, so a guy may know all about his body, but he doesn’t get critical information about how female bodies work beyond they have periods and get pregnant.
  • 19:16 – Parents need support in sex ed for their teens because most parents got a shitty sex education themselves and they aren’t experts in all the latest research and options, so more work needs to be done in this realm to ensure kids get all the information they need.
  • 19:57 – The bottom line is we need to stop shaming teens who are having sex and get better information and success metrics in the world.

And be sure to pin, share, and Instagram this bad boy

This week, Dawn and Dylan talk about Dawn's sex toy store, a Fetlife breach that is so misogynistic Dawn gets violent, and the issue of teen sex. The way we measure it and teach is wrong, so no wonder there are so many failures and mistakes out there.

  • Dawn
  • May 3, 2015