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This weekend I am in San Francisco attending Madison Young’s Erotic Film School. I’m learning how to make porn. YAY! If you want to see some of the behind the scenes pictures and videos of Andre Shakti and James Darling, all Patreon supporters at $1 or more will have access.
It was fun to be the director and to actually see ethical porn being made in this rich, collaborative space.
I also field listener emails this week since I’m on the road. First, a listener wants to share his experience watching trans and pegging porn after Lauren from last week’s episode shared her concerns around porn.
Then, Mona wants help shopping for some kegel exercisers. What’s best? Dawn shares a story of her ben wa balls gone wrong.
Scarlett Grace has a friend that she used to play with sexually with her husband, but Scarlett’s friend is now super promiscuous and Scarlett doesn’t want to have sex with her friend anymore. How can she tell her friend she’s worried about her safety and why she doesn’t want to play anymore?
Delilah wrote in because she’s in her first lesbian relationship and she wants tricks for making her girlfriend happy. So, how do you learn lesbian sex? What tricks and tips do I have? Long-time listeners will already know my answer to this. At a minimum, be sure to check out Allison Moon’s, “Girl Sex 101” book.
Ben is young and in love, but he and his girlfriend don’t have much in common and he wants to have loads more sexual experiences. What should he do?
Finally, Leah wants to know – how do polyamorous folks avoid town gossips and people talking about their affairs? I have lots of thoughts because there are so many possible situations to navigate. Also, check out Franklin Veaux’s “More Than Two” or Tristan Taormino’s “Opening Up” for more information on living in a non-monogamous situation.
Follow Dawn on Instagram.
About Dawn Serra
Dawn Serra is a therapeutic Body Trust coach and pleasure advocate. As a white, cis, middle class, queer, fat, survivor, Dawn’s work is a fiercely compassionate invitation for each of us to deepen our relationships with our bodies and our pleasure as an antidote to the trauma, disconnection, and isolation so many of us feel. Your pleasure matters. Your body is wise. Dawn’s work is all about creating spaces and places for you to explore what that means on your terms. To learn more, visit dawnserra.com or follow Dawn on Instagram.
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Episode Transcript
Dawn Serra: You’re listening to (You’re listening) (You’re listening) You’re listening to Sex Gets Real (Sex Get Real) (Sex Gets Real) Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra (with Dawn Serra). Thanks, bye!
Hey listeners. It’s Dawn Serra. I am recording this episode from San Francisco because this weekend is Madison Young’s Erotic Film School, and I am here learning how to be a porn creator and filmmaker. It has been a really intense weekend so far. It’s great to actually get some hands on experience with these things that I have been thinking about and teaching about for so long. We’ve got nine of us in the class. Yesterday, we learned all about pre-production and screenwriting and creating a shot list that shows you every single shot that’s going to be in your film. We learned all about the two performers’ likes and dislikes, and what they were hoping we’d be able to incorporate. We learned from Andre Shakti and James Darling, who were our two models for the film that we’re creating. Of course, Andre has been on the show.
Dawn Serra: They were hoping to do some wrestling. So we, as the creators, decided to build a film around allowing that wrestling to happen, and then to turn into something sexy. We came up with a storyline and got it all organized yesterday. Then today, Andre and James came to our location, and we filmed our erotic film. I had a chance to be the director for a little over half of it. I was guiding the videographer for the shots that I wanted. And it was really fun. We were outside, and we stopped traffic. I was yelling, “Action!” PAs were running around and helping. Madison was a wonderful coach. Then we moved inside, and it was wonderful to have the lived experience of participating in this kind of creation.
Also, it was incredible to see the professionalism and the comfort that Andre and James brought to exist in a space fully nude with such grace and comfort made all of us newbies, I feel like feel a lot more comfortable. And they were such good sports. We had to start and stop their sex so many times because it would be difficult to get the angle we were hoping for or we wanted to get a different angle, but it was going to be disruptive if we didn’t stop them first. And the camera battery died. They were just so wonderful about laughing about the starts and stops and needing more lube.
Dawn Serra: It was wonderful to actually be in the space and to feel what it’s like when creators both behind and in front of the camera co-create something, and then allow this process to unfold. There was just so much relaxation and giggling. There was even a rooftop party on the building across from us. We opened the curtains and Andre stood there fully naked, waving at them. They all started waving back and flashing us, and then people were mooning them. It was just like really playful spirit in the space of creation. Then tomorrow, we will be editing the film and adding music, and then it will be screened at, actually, a little film festival tomorrow night.
I took a couple of pictures of everything and some videos. I’m actually going to put those up on Patreon. If you are a Patreon supporter at any level, from a dollar up, you will get to see some of the videos that I took, and some of the pictures from behind the scenes to just see what it was like for me. Of course, that’s at patreon.com/sgrpodcast if you want to check that out or support the show.
Dawn Serra: Because I’m in San Francisco and doing this on the road, very last minute – because I wanted to be able to talk a little bit about what was happening in film school – I am going to field a couple of your emails, and then we will call it a wrap for the week because I am exhausted. Tomorrow, more porn making has to happen. So let’s jump in.
I got a text message from someone who wanted to weigh in about last week’s episode with Reid Mihalko. Of course, that was Episode 153. In it, Reid and I fielded a listener question from Lauren, who was worried that even though she had been identifying as heterosexual, she had recently found herself becoming enamored with lesbian porn. She wondered if that was saying anything about her sexual orientation. Reid gave some lovely advice around that.
Dawn Serra: But a listener wanted to text in with his example of going through the same thing, just to share with Lauren. Here’s what it says: “I just listened to the last episode and really enjoyed the discussion about Lauren and lesbian porn. I’m a 24 year old straight male, and I previously had similar issues in the past about watching trans porn, as well as women using strap-ons on men. It took me a while to understand that this didn’t mean I was gay. Being a college athlete, there is a lot of negativity towards gay men and anal sex. Most isn’t real hate, but nevertheless, the stigma is still there.
After I got away from sports and more comfortable with what turns me on, I started understanding that sex is sex, and it doesn’t define your sexual orientation. My little motto towards it now is gay guys do butt stuff, but butt stuff doesn’t mean you’re gay. Seems so simple and common sense now, but I hope that this episode helps Lauren clear up the things she’s excited about. Thanks for what you do.”
Thank you so much for writing in, listener. And also to Lauren. I hope that last week’s advice with Reid and also this week’s solidarity with a listener helps as well.
Dawn Serra: I got another text message from Mona, and it says, “Hey, Dawn. I love your podcast. It’s amazing. I was wondering, when shopping for Ben Wa, aka kegel balls, is it better to buy the ones on the string, the ones that vibrate or the pair of unattached metal balls? Thank you.”
I think there’s not a better, there’s just a preference. Some of it might be driven by price point. Some of it might be driven by the feel that you’re going for or even the reason that you’re using them – whether it’s for pleasure or it’s for pelvic floor exercises. There’s lots of different things to choose from. I think as long as you go with a non-porous option, then you’re going to be good. The steel kegel balls that are separate two little balls, those are usually very affordable. You know around the $15 range.
Dawn Serra: I will tell you that many years ago, I bought a pair of the individual steel balls. The first time I used them, which was actually one of the only times I used to them, I inserted both of the balls. When I was ready to release them, the first one came out very easily because gravity and the weight of the ball on top of it pushed it out. But the second ball, when it was left all by itself, really didn’t want to come out. When those things are slippery and they don’t have a handle, it can be a little bit frustrating or alarming when it doesn’t come out when you want it to. I had a little bit of a, “Oh, god. Will I have to go to the doctor for this?” But then I crouched and I coughed, and that forced it out in a somewhat comedic way, as it rolled across the bathroom floor. So just be aware that while things cannot get lost inside your body through your vaginal canal, it can be a little difficult to get those balls out when they don’t have any type of string or attachment.
Now, on the opposite end, you can get really beautiful, silicone-covered kegel exercisers by Jeju. Those tend to be around closer to 55-65 range, but it’s a set of three. They all have a little handle, so it’s very easy to remove. They come in different sizes and weights and widths. So that gives you an opportunity to try different weights and sizes for whatever you’re using them for. Those are a little bit more expensive. But because they’re 100% silicone, it means they’re very easy to clean. You don’t have to worry about bacteria getting trapped.
Dawn Serra: There’s just two things I want to let you know about, Mona, before you make your decision. If you’re buying kegel balls from a mainstream sex toy store that’s not body positive and body safe, like She Bop or Smitten Kitten or Self Serve, the mainstream sex toy stores, I think, still sell kegel exercisers that have a cotton string separating them. I’ll just warn you that that is a porous material. It is going to trap bacteria and bodily fluids and lube. Yes, you can wash it, but sanitation of that is going to be a lot more difficult. It’s probably something you’re not going to ever want to share. If that’s important to you, having a way to actually sanitize your toys, then stay away from anything that’s got the little cotton separator.
Also, some companies try to get fancy with their design. So there’s little ridges of a thicker silicone wrapped around an interior silicone ball. It can be a little difficult to actually clean those really well when there’s little ridges or seams where bodily fluids and lube can get trapped. So my suggestion is just decide what you want to use it for. If you’re going for pleasure, then a vibrating one might be better. If you’re going for actually strengthening your PC muscles, then from the more affordable steel balls – which are non-porous as well – all the way up to something like the Jeju silicone set, those are going to be easy to clean, body-safe material, and give you a lot more longevity and flexibility with what you can do with them. So I hope that was helpful. Thank you so much for listening.
Dawn Serra: This next email comes from Scarlett Grace. The email says, “First, let me state that I am married. But we have a kinky side. We love to have parties at our house where things are going to get out of hand. But recently, my friend broke up with her long term boyfriend and she’s out ready to get laid and have some fun. The problem is that we’ve played around with her in the past, but we decided about a year ago that we wouldn’t play with her any longer. She’s very promiscuous and loves to have multiple partners, many of which I personally would not fuck. My worry is that she’s not being safe with these partners, and I don’t want to chance it for anyone.
When she’s brought up sex with me since her breakup, I’ve blown her off or played as though I thought she was joking. I value her friendship, and I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. But at the same time, I need to let her know how I really feel. How do you suggest I go about telling her our play time has passed without hurting our friendship? Also, we are co-workers. So we spend a good amount of time together and are known to be a little wild at times. I don’t want to change how open we are, and how when we get together, things can get a little out of hand. Thank you so much. I love your podcast.”
Dawn Serra: Scarlett, thank you so much for writing in with this. There’s a lot here, and I have some additional questions that are going to shape my answer. The first thing is, you said you’re worried that she’s not being safe. I want to know, is it because she’s told you that she’s not consistent with barriers? Is it because she’s not asking for people’s test results? Is she not being tested herself? Or, has she been tested and she’s not disclosing? Is there something specific that is making you worry? Or, are you linking promiscuity with risk?
Reid Mihalko, who was on the show last week, he is very open about being a promiscuous slut. He has many partners. He publishes his STI results every time he gets them online on social media to help reduce the stigma that someone who has many sexual partners is unsafe or doing something risky.
Dawn Serra: I think one of the things you need to unpack is, is your worry that she’s not being safe because she’s indicated or told you she’s not? Or, is it because having sex with many people feels risky to you? So it might not be risky for her, it might feel risky for you because that’s something you wouldn’t do. There’s a difference in that that I think you need to unpack.
As for not having sex with her or not playing with her anymore, I’m curious about, “I need to let her know how I really feel.” I want to know, what does that really mean? Are you wanting to let her know that you disapprove of the promiscuity, that you feel unsafe with her as a partner? Those feel very personally motivated. It sounds like you want to retain this friendship and this connection.
Dawn Serra: I think instead of centering your need to get things off your chest, you need to center what can you do to keep things open and loving and connected, if you value this friendship? So I think that what you need to do is center what is working. If it comes up again, letting her know that, at this point in time, you are so in love with the friendship that you have, and the way that you have fun when you go out together. That feels really powerful and lovely, and that’s where you want to sit right now. And that you super appreciate the times you’ve played in the past. But that’s just not really feeling like where you want to be right now. You just want to love and roll around in the pleasure, that is your friendship. You can leave it at that.
If she has additional questions, then I think being upfront with, “I prefer having a little bit more control over the activities that I have and the people that I engage with. I don’t want to shame you. I want you to go out and have this wonderful time and have all these experiences, but that doesn’t feel like a good fit for me right now,” I think is fair. But how can you center what you want to maintain and nurture, instead of focusing on the things that aren’t working and the places where you might inadvertently shame her or hurt feelings?
This isn’t about manipulating. But it’s about saying, “These things are true for me. I love what we have. I want to keep what we have. This feels like a good fit right now. I want us to just stay here because it feels so wonderful.” That, to me, sounds like a lovely invitation.
Dawn Serra: I think that you, Scarlett Grace need to unpack a little bit of your worry, and also your motivation for telling her how you really feel. That, to me, feels very confrontational and that you feel like you need to say these things to her. That might help you feel less shamed or guilty or frustrated. But if that ends up damaging the friendship, is that really what you want to be cultivating? So I hope that was helpful. Good luck in navigating this with your friend. Thank you so much for listening.
By the way, if you hear some random background noise, it’s probably because the Airbnb that I’m staying in in the Mission District of San Francisco is on a street that has this really bizarre rise and fall. There is an entire gaggle of skateboarders directly outside of my window right now, just going back and forth doing all these tricks. So if you hear funny little noises, I am deep in the Mission District of San Francisco. There, apparently, are some skateboarders who have decided that right outside my window is the perfect place to be doing this right now.
Dawn Serra: I got this email from Delilah. The subject line is, “First time with a lesbian.” The message is short and sweet. I’m sure longtime listeners will have an idea already of where this is going. But it says, “I want to keep up and make sure I entertain my girlfriend. What tricks can you share? So far our sex life is amazing, but it’s a bit intimidating sometimes as she has many experiences in the past. She is older than me as well. What do I do and how do I do it?”
I love that you want to keep things interesting with your new girlfriend, that this is your first time with a lesbian, and you want to impress her and and do things right. Longtime listeners of the show already know what I’m going to say. But this is a situation where talking to your girlfriend is going to be the best way to impress her. The number one way to impress a lover is to actually sit down and ask them – What do you want? What are your desires? What are your fantasies? What are some things that we can do together that would feel new or feel exciting or feel edgy? Then to actually start fulfilling those things.
Dawn Serra: That is literally how you make someone’s sexual dreams come true. It’s not by learning tricks and trying things, and hoping that she likes them. That’s the danger that so many of us get stuck in, of reading these lists of the five best ways to make them come or the three no fail blowjob techniques. Those things are not universal, even though they’re billed as being universal because all of us are so different.
So Delilah, I do think there’s some basics that you can learn, if this is your first time with a lesbian. For sure, check out Allison Moon’s “Girl Sex 101.” That book is a beautiful read. It’s really fun. It’s got comic art in it and a story that weaves through it. But lots of practical information about vulva, sex, and lesbian sex and different types of techniques and toys and pleasure and what that looks like with stories. I think that would be a really good jumping off point for just learning some of the basics around anatomy and pleasure.
Dawn Serra: But if you really want to impress your girlfriend, even if she’s older, even if she has lots more experiences, she has never done these things with you. She may have been fingered by 50 different people in the past, but she’s never been fingered by you. So that’s going to be a new experience for both of you because you’re cultivating this together. Sit down with a “Yes-No-Maybe” list that you can get if you sign up for the Sex Gets Real Newsletter or find one online or watch some porn together and ask each other questions. Or, buy my sex mapping game that gives you an opportunity to play this game and ask lots of questions about pleasure and experiences and desires and fantasies and hopes for the future.
The only way to really be a good lover to your girlfriend is to actually ask your girlfriend what makes a good lover. That is the only thing. Because I might tell you do this thing with the clit, and your girlfriend might hate clit stimulation. Or I might say do this thing with fingers, and your girlfriend might have vaginal pain or hate that thing with fingers. And that is super normal and OK.
Dawn Serra: Your job, Delilah, whether it’s your first time or your 50th time with a lesbian, is to actually say, “I want to be a wonderful lover for you. I want us to cultivate pleasurable, exciting, fun experiences. So what does that look like for you?” Then start trying those things out knowing that sometimes that’s going to go wonky, and sometimes it’s going to suck. Sometimes it’s going to be hysterical. Sometimes it’s going to be transcendent. But it has to start with you actually talking to your girlfriend, and then giving her those things that she wants, rather than trying to guess and be some magical, mystical sexual expert. That only happens in the movies.
So connect with her, and then deliver. But definitely check out Allison Moon’s “Girl Sex 101.” I think that that is a wonderful starting point for anybody who is engaging in sex with someone who has a vulva. I hope that’s helpful, Delilah. Thank you so much for listening.
Dawn Serra: OK. Ben wrote in, and it says, “Girlfriend, sex, sexual experience.” “Hi, Dawn. My name is Ben. I’m 24 years old, and I have a girlfriend that I live with. The sex is good, and we love each other. The problem is I feel like I haven’t experienced enough sexual encounters and sexual experiences because she is my second sex partner. I told her I would love to try anal, and I’ve never got a blow job. So I don’t want to miss anything sex-related. She said it’s a bit degrading, but I don’t see it that way. We don’t have a lot in common. And I would love her to share my passion towards exercise, and I try to lead her there by training her on the occasions she wants to. I really love her. On one side, I want to experience sex with more people. On the other, I really love her, and I don’t want to lose her. I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you very much. Ben.”
Oh. You know, I’m a little concerned with, “We don’t have a lot in common,” that you want her to share your passion towards exercise and you try to lead her there, but it’s not something that she’s into. What it sounds like is you love this person and you want to be with her and you don’t want to lose her, but there’s not a lot to hold on to other than that. You don’t have anything in common. You really want her to be passionate about exercise, and she isn’t. If you keep trying to make that a priority for her, that’s easily a place where some major resentment can start coming up. It’s also a really easy place to cause a lot of damage to someone. If she’s constantly getting the message from you that she’s not exercising enough, there is already enough information out in this world telling women that they aren’t good enough, that they’re not thin enough, that they’re not small enough. That can be something that causes a lot of long term insecurity if you’re not careful.
Dawn Serra: I think what you need to do is decide what about her do you love? You need to actually be able to write this down. What needs of yours is she meeting? What needs of yours aren’t being met? Then really decide is this a person that I can actually communicate with and try and find some common ground? Or, “Are we just in love and these things don’t really match, and I’m afraid to be alone. So I’m just trying to stick it out.” Because based on your email, what I’m hearing is the sex is pretty good, and you love her. But there’s no reasons why do you love her. What is it that keeps you two laughing, that keeps you two connected and turning towards each other? Or, what are your dreams for the future? Or, is this just something that feels good for now, and you aren’t really looking ahead? You’re not really looking towards the future?
The other thing that I think is important is being focused on having a certain number of partners or a certain kind of sexual experience, I think often makes us live in the future or in a dream. Then we forget about the beauty and the pleasure and the connection that’s available to us right now. And that can be very damaging to any kind of relationship. I mean, if you’re friends with someone, but you’re constantly looking ahead to who you want this friend to become or the things that you hope you do with this friend, to the point where you’re not really thinking about what you already are doing, that’s going to feel really shitty for your friend. The same can be true about your girlfriend.
Dawn Serra: There are so many opportunities to have tons of sexual experiences, both by yourself through fantasy and porn and erotica and exploring your own body with toys and hands and all that kind of good stuff, and you can also have a rich, healthy, intense, creative sexual connection with someone and be in a monogamous relationship. But you can’t force her to do things. If these are things that are really important to you, then it might mean that you two aren’t a good match.
I think that you just need to decide, is this connection something that is important enough to you that you are willing to be patient and take some time and actually see if you can learn more about her and what she wants to be experiencing, so that there can be some mutual exchanges there? Or, is it more important to you that you start experiencing anal sex and trying blowjobs and exploring these sexual facets to yourself? Because if that is a priority for you, then I think the kind thing to do would be to express that to your girlfriend. If she can’t go on that journey with you, then transition out of this relationship with her.
Dawn Serra: Because what I really don’t want to happen, Ben, is that you stay in this relationship because you love her, and you’re scared of being alone or losing her. At the same time, all of this resentment and stress is secretly brewing because you want to be having these other experiences. And that’s where it becomes very easy to degrade trust and to start unethically exploring sex with other people. That’s how cheating happens. That’s how affairs and infidelity starts. That’s how you start towing boundaries you’ve never talked about with your girlfriend and convincing yourself that it’s okay. Then potentially really, truly crushing her.
The other thing I just want to warn you about is you can be passionate about exercise, and she cannot be passionate about exercise. Those things can coexist really beautifully. So don’t be in relationship, and then be trying to change somebody in a way like that. It’s one thing to make an invitation of, “I super love this. If you ever want to join me, that would feel super good.” But to try and consistently pull her in, that’s another place for more resentment.
Dawn Serra: Ben, what I want you to do is get really, really clear on specifically, what about it is this relationship that you value, that you want to nurture? What about your personal needs and interests do you want to explore? Then have some conversations with her about whether she wants to go on these adventures with you. If she doesn’t, then make some decisions around transitioning out of the relationship, so that people’s feelings don’t get hurt, and resentment doesn’t build. Who knows? You might let her know, like “I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety because I really want to have these experiences. It’s something that I just feel is important to me, and I would really love to be able to do them with you. But I also don’t want to pressure you. So can we talk about that?”
Then allow her to have a reaction, and to have questions, and to not be sure. Don’t make it something that all has to happen in one night. Circle back a few days later and see where she’s at, and then make some decisions. I hope that was helpful, Ben. Thank you so much for writing in with your question and for listening.
Dawn Serra: OK. We have time for one last question, and then I’m going to wrap up because I am exhausted from all of the porn goodness. Then I am going to get ready for bed on a Saturday night in San Francisco.
Leah wrote in and it says, “Hi, Dawn. I’ve been watching your Explore More Series. One thing that I may have missed or hasn’t come up yet and I want to know your thoughts are how do polyamorous people deal with the outside world? For example, so and so is married, but their polyamory. The nosy neighbors think that she or he is cheating on their spouse, rumors abound. How do you keep your lifestyle private and also avoid the gossips? It’s hard to explain my question, but I hope that this makes sense.”
Dawn Serra: That’s a really great question, Leah. I think a lot of this depends on where you live. If you live in a big urban city, then the likelihood of this being a real issue, where there’s probably lots of people in non-monogamy situations, where neighbors are probably a lot less likely to be keeping an eye on who’s going in and out of the house, it’s going to be a lot easier. But I also think that oftentimes, because we’re feeling a little bit unsure or ashamed, we think people are paying a lot more attention than they are.
Now, if you live in a tiny little town with a couple hundred or a couple thousand people, and everybody knows everybody else’s business, everybody goes to the same church and that kind of thing, then there is the potential that talk is going to happen if people notice these same people are coming over to the house over and over again. Again, results may vary. But you have to decide, where are you living? What does your life look like?
Dawn Serra: It’s not unreasonable for adults to have adult friends come over to their house on the regular. I don’t think in many places people would bat an eye at friends having a weekly dinner party, or something like that, that goes late into the evening or to have friends and family spend the night for the weekend. People don’t have to know what’s happening inside of your home. It can just look from the outside like you’ve got really great friends who come over all the time.
So you get to decide your level of outness and how you navigate that. Maybe you take turns meeting at each other’s houses or maybe you come over to one person’s house every couple weeks, and then do a cheap hotel halfway between you or whatever it is. There are some great books out there, if you’re interested in polyamory, that can talk more about the logistics. Tristan Taormino’s “Opening Up” or Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert’s “More Than Two.”
Dawn Serra: But I think it’s just really important to know where you live. I live in a place where nobody would notice if people were coming and going all the time. Because right now I’m living in this high rise condo building just full of tons of people, and I don’t really know my neighbors. When I was living in Northern Virginia, in the DC area, I don’t think my neighbors would have ever noticed that people were coming and going. I wasn’t really close with any of my neighbors. They were all super busy and worked all the time. So I would not have had that. Now, I’ve never lived in a super tiny town, where everybody knows everybody else’s business. That might be where some discretion comes in. But you just have to know your situation.
If you watched Kevin Patterson’s talk – he is the creator of Poly Role Models, and he spoke at the summit all about polyamory – he has partners come over and spend the weekend very regularly. His kids know all about daddy and mommy’s friends and that they have these loving adults. I think it’s very clear that Kevin and his wife aren’t worried about the neighbors and what they think. They’re just having their friends over, and their friends stay for the weekend. And that’s their business.
I would check out a couple of the books. Maybe check out Poly Role Models by Kevin Patterson that’s on Tumblr. I’ll provide a link on dawnserra.com for this episode. But I think most people in anything other than super small towns are too busy to notice or to think much of it. If you’re in one of those really small communities, then you just have to get a little bit more creative. So, yeah. That’s a really good question. I think that it’s hard to answer just because there’s so many variables of, “Are you out? Are you closeted? Big community? Small community? Conservative town? Liberal town?” There’s just a thousand different ways to negotiate that. For instance, here in San Francisco, definitely nobody would bat an eye. But if you’re in South Dakota in a 50 person town, different story. Definitely check out some of those resources. If anybody listening has any additional resources or stories for Leah around gossips and towns and navigating polyamory, feel free to write in. You can, of course, use the contact form at dawnserra.com.
Also, don’t forget, we have a theme for March and April on listener confessions, that’s messes. I already got one email. It will be in next week’s – or I might have two at this point – next week’s episode. But I want to know about your sexual messes, about your emotional messes, about your relationship messes. It can be literal messes with food exploding somewhere or the lube bottle shattering on the floor. Or it can be about messes around infidelity or having your heart broken. Just what’s messy, and then share your confession and your story with me.
All the guidelines for confessions, of course, right at dawnserra.com for this episode. There’s the link to the guidelines submission page. You can send that over to me. Check out patreon.com/sgrpodcast. You can’t search for Sex Gets Real on Patreon because it’s sex related, and they don’t do that. So you actually have to put in the URL. But if you want to see some of the behind the scenes stuff, any level of supporter from $1 up is going to get access to some of this goodness. I am off to bed. So I will talk to you next week. Bye!