Sex Gets Real 148: Listener questions galore on anal, strippers, vulvas, & female domination

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.

You are the first in the world to know that enrollment for the 2017 Explore More Summit is OFFICIALLY open. The summit is free, runs for ten days, and features interviews with SOO many incredible thought-leaders. You can sign-up at It’s been incredible creating these talks, so I hope you’ll check it out. It all starts March 8th, 2017.


Because I’ve been conducting so so so many intense, deep interviews, I wanted to take a break and make this week nice and easy – you and me, powering through a ton of listener emails and keeping it casual and intimate.

So, what are we talking about this week?

Mike ALWAYS gives his wife an orgasm and the last three times they’ve had sex, she hasn’t cum. Will it happen again? What can he do? Deb is a bottom but her husband wants her to top him sometimes. Can she find a way to enjoy being dominant? Ali wants more information on how people become strippers. I’m not a sex worker, so I can’t speak to this, but I do reflect on some previous conversations with folks like Andre Shakti, Madison Young, Kitty Stryker.

Big Vulva wrote in about how she feels about the way her labia look and it’s wonderful. Plus, I get called out for an ageist comment, someone wants to know how common CFNM fantasties are, Mary wonders about whether anal sex will ever feel good for her, and can a porn addict husband be trusted to watch porn with his wife?

Oh, and if you’re looking for the details on submitting a listener confession, I created a guidelines page for you. February theme is surprises.

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Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

In this episode, I talk about:

  • Explore More Summit 2017 is officially enrolling. See the line up for this year at YAY!!!!
  • Orgasm goals and the pressure to cum. A listener is stressed that his wife hasn’t cum recently, but what about the pressure he is putting on her to cum every time? We have to let go of the goal and instead focus on the experience. Yes, orgasms are amazing, but don’t require your partner to do it. It’s selfish.
  • Big Vulva wrote in about how she used to hate the way her labia looked and now she knows that her big, luscious pussy is actually a great thing. Vulva’s do not need to look like the ones you see in mainstream porn.
  • Randy calls me out on something that sounded super ageist. Do I think grandparents don’t have sex?
  • Why people become strippers – it’s not my question to answer, but I do offer some suggestions based on previous guests who have shared their stories.
  • A simple question I received about how common CFNM (clothed female, nude male) fantasies are. Which I do not answer because there is a better question that is more helpful. It’s around community.
  • A sweet thank you email from Lady CC about being a 46 year old woman who is just discovering her sexuality.
  • Mary wants to know if anal will ever feel good to her because her husband really wants it. I recommend taking my anal 101 workshop (link below). Also, Mary mentioned anal numbing cream, but those can actually make things worse – you WANT to feel the discomfort and any pain so you can set limits and listen to your body.
  • Deb is in a straight, monogamous marriage, but she is a bottom and her husband is a switch. So sometimes, he wants her to top him. Can she ever find a way to get turned on by being dominant? I suggest some resources by kink expert Midori, plus check out Princess Kali’s episode of the show.
  • Minka’s husband was secretly watching porn and jerking off to the point where he stopped having sex with her, so they cut all porn out. But now Minka wants to try watching porn together as part of their sex life. Is that a bad idea? I have feelings.

Resources from this episode

Erika Lust’s is a great place to find loads of feminist, ethical erotic films. (I’m an affiliate, too!)

Siouxsie Q’s podcast, The Whorecast, which is all sex workers talking about their stories, experiences, and issues.

Check out my Anal 101 online workshop.

Tristan Taormino’s “The Ultimate Guide to Kink” which includes an awesome essay by Midori on FemDomme, female domination and how to get started. – Midori’s website for her weekend intensive on female domination

Midori’s Facebook Live video on female domination. Check it out on Vimeo.

About Dawn Serra

Meet the host of Sex Gets Real, Dawn Serra - sex educator, sex and relationship coach, podcaster, and more.In a world hellbent on making us feel like we aren’t enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we’re told about sex, relationships, and our bodies.

Dawn is the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. She also teaches adult sex ed workshops online and in person, and works one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

When she’s not podcasting, lecturing, or writing about all of the ways we relate to each other, Dawn can often be found watching an episode of Hoarders, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with her husband.

Dawn’s epic Explore More Summit is unfolding again now.

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  • Dawn
  • February 12, 2017